You Are Not Broken

We were on our way to my aunts house listening to the radio. On one of the stations there was a live recording of an Imagine Dragons concert. I never paid much mind to the band until that car ride when I listened to the lead singer share his story.


He was apparently diagnosed with depression in middle school. And he went through a ton of obstacles to get to where he is now. While a lot of what he said struck me as thoughts I could relate to there was one moment where he spoke that I was totally taken aback by his words.


He stated “you may have a mental illness yourself but remember this: you are not broken”. And that statement has stuck with me since I heard him say it almost a year ago.


At first I found the statement to be so poetic and oh how true! But over the course of this year it keeps coming back to me in waves. Am I broken? Do I let my illness define me? What about the days when I just can’t get out of bed? Has the illness won on those days?


I suffer from migraines and two days ago I just could not get out of bed. I was depressed, overwhelmed and sick. I literally slept until 3pm. Does the illness define me if I take off work because of it?


Every single day of my life for the past 9 years I have been on Bipolar medications. I take a hearty cocktail of 4 medications in the morning and 3 pills at night. While this has seemingly worked for me and yes I am very closely monitored by doctors, does the illness define me because of all the pills I take just to keep it at bay?


Every other Saturday I leave my family for upwards of 3 hours to make the drive up north to talk to my precious (and I don’t mean that lightly- she is amazing to me in so many ways) therapist. We knew when we moved that we would live further but that I would continue to see her. Does this sacrifice of my weekends define me and the decisions I have made to be as healthy as I can be?


As I lay in bed tonight and I worry about my little angel in the other room who has been coughing for 3 weeks now, I am just so moved by this thought of “brokenness”. What exactly does it mean to define yourself as being broken and does an illness break you?


I personally, and you of course can take it with a grain of salt, suggest that quite frankly I believe that I am not broken and I have chosen to not let my illness define who I am and the woman I will become. Yes, I do suffer from an illness. And yes I do battle the hell out of it on a regular basis. But does it define me? No. It does not.


And therefore I would suggest that I, “Moody Mom” am not broken. And to take it a step further I have chosen to fight and therefore I will not let my illness break me.


And when we all put on our high heels, I hope we are reminded of that simple fact. Are we ill? Maybe. Are we struggling? Maybe. But are we broken? Absolutely not.


We put on our heels because we know that while each day may be a battle, it is in fact a battle we have chosen to fight. No we did not choose the illness but darn it if we can’t choose to put on our heels and walk through each day taking each step in stride.


You are not broken my friends. And you are oh so loved. So put on your high heels with me. Let’s do this together.

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

A Cup Of Tea for the Soul

It was recently brought to my attention that I blog about the various “large” events that are happening in my life but I fail to discuss my daily activities.  The day to day grind of life is where it all happens, right?  The ins and outs of each moment and how to live with Bipolar Disorder on a regular basis. 

My days all start with getting ready for work, making my breakfast and lunch for the day and then the most important part of my day is…of course picking out which high heels I am going to wear!  I drive the half hour commute to work and then I have myself a nice yummy cup of coffee (just don’t tell my GI doctor or my husband please).  And to wrap up my morning, I have two lovely cups of tea. 

A long time ago, my therapist told me that I should have a cup of tea every evening with my husband.  She said that it would help us to communicate and enjoy a glass of something yummy together.  Since we never implemented this into our evening routine, I decided to start to do this at work.  As I ramp up my work day, I enjoy a nice cup of tea to calm my stomach and help me get ready for the day ahead. 

I work 8:30am to 5:00pm.  Sometimes I get there earlier (not often) and sometimes I stay later (not too often either).  I pick up my daughter on my way home from work and we meet my husband at home.  We relax and unwind and by unwind, I mean we make dinner and my daughter gets a bath or a shower.  By 8:30pm lights are out for my (almost) 5-year-old and she is snuggled into bed. 

Then, it is me time.  I get dressed into my workout clothes and I go into the finished part of my basement where I stretch and then walk or run for 30 minutes to an hour.  As I work out I look at the new sign my husband added to the basement “seek discomfort”. 

About a month ago, my therapist said, “Find something for you to do for yourself or I will call your psychiatrist and we will have to increase your medicine”.  No joke, that was a wake-up call.  So I got back on the treadmill and have been at it ever since.  Then I shower and do my hair and I get ready for bed. 

So my beloved friends, that is a day in my life.  It is simple and to the point.  Simplistic but it can be very stressful (pending work of course).  And I love it.  Every moment of it.  But each moment is not easy and some days are terrible.  But the good ones, wow are they good.  And I am grateful for each day I have.    

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.