I Am Not Complacent

 

I have been through a lot.  The ups and downs of life have taken a toll on me.  But I keep showing up, and I do not give up.  And deep within my soul, at the very core of my being, is a never-ending hope that keeps me moving forward.  This hope is for my health, my future and for better days to come. 

Each health struggle feels like a setback.  There are days when the depression from the bipolar disorder tells my brain that I should not get out of bed.  Anxiety walks my mind through every "what if" scenario.  However throughout the struggle, I remain hopeful.  

Part of my motivation comes from the simple fact that I am not complacent.  I strive for more, better and brighter days to come.  I look forward to being healthy even though my body shows signs of illness.  Yet, I know that I did not make it this far just to exist in this world.  I refuse to simply meet life halfway when I can be "all in".  

By holding on to this deep level of hope, I realize that I do not just want to simply be a part of this world.  But rather, I want to take up space within in it.  I want more than just to survive every day.  I want to thrive through every moment.  I reflect on how far I have come and now I want more.  

And the only way that I see having more is to remain hopeful.  My never-ending deeply rooted hope gives me the perseverance I need to push through the migraines, the anxiety, the chronic fatigue, the bipolar mania and depression.  And in my soul, I know that I can succeed in everything that I do.  

I will not settle for simply surviving.  Instead, I will put on my high heels and I will walk my path with pride.  I put a smile on my face not because I have to.  But rather, I smile because I know that I shine bright with every hopeful moment that I live through.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

When The Impossible Keeps Going

 

A year ago, we changed my bipolar medications.  A year ago, the medication changes made my mental health worse.  A year ago, darkness fell upon me.  A year ago, I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital.  

Reflecting back on the past is hard sometimes because it can bring up trauma.  It can remind me of pain and struggling.  And it can bring back emotions that I keep deep down inside.  

However, reflecting on the past can also encourage me to remember the positives as well.  It reminds me of never-ending hope and unconditional self-love.  And, looking back is a good way for me to remember how strong I really am through every aspect of my life.  

There is a very powerful mental health grammatical metaphor that goes like this, "An author uses a semicolon when they could have ended a sentence with a period, but chose to keep writing.  In life, it means that your story is not over yet".  

Maybe my story is a reminder that I am what happens when the impossible keeps going.  When life told me to stop, I decided to add a "semicolon" to my story instead of a "period" to my life.  And because of that pause, I was able to seek professional help when I needed it the most.  

It is hard sometimes.  It is hard to wear shoes, especially ones that have heels.  This is because the shoes symbolize confidence, self-love and pride.  And they remind me to be encouraged when my brain tells me I am not worthy.  And sometimes, it is hard to see the positive when the negative lingers around me. 

But, I know that my story could have been impossible.  Because it might have turned out much different than the path I chose to take.  Yet when I look into the mirror, I see a woman who kept going through the darkness.  And I am proud to be a witness to what the impossible looks like when she keeps moving forward.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Don't Follow In My Footsteps

 

I read something recently that stated, "I hope my child will follow in my footsteps".  This quote is very honorable in many ways.  Yet, I tend to feel a bit differently about my daughter.  This is because I want her to create her own path with her own footsteps.  I will hold her hand along the way, but I do not want her to follow me.

So to my daughter I say to you, "Don't follow in my footsteps, my child.  Create your own path".  I will always support you, and I will always love you.  With every step you take, I will guide you with all my heart, knowledge and wisdom.  And while I walk beside you, I know you will find your own way in this world. 

I will hold your hand, my little one.  I will create space for you to be yourself.  I will do my best to never put out the fire in your soul.  And I will help you grow through your own journey in life.  When problems arise, I will be by your side to help you through them.  I will never leave you because I will always be with you.  And I know that you will continue to blossom.  I cannot wait to watch you show the world the way in which you glow!  

I want you to know that I look forward to watching you slide your feet into your own high heeled shoes.  And I am excited to continue to go through life with you by my side.  My precious daughter, be courageous, and be a brave warrior as you walk your own path.  Go forward steadfastly showing the world everything wonderful that you have to offer.  

-Words by Rebecca

Brave girl, 

Walk your own path.

You don't have to fill anyone else's shoes.  

You were never meant to become a copy of someone else. 

You were created with your own dreams,

your own gifts, 

your own beautiful way of seeing the world. 

Be kind.

Be curious. 

Be true to your heart. 

And if the road you choose looks different

from everyone around you,

walk it anyway. 

Because the world does't need another 

version of someone else.

It needs you.

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.