Don't Follow In My Footsteps

 

I read something recently that stated, "I hope my child will follow in my footsteps".  This quote is very honorable in many ways.  Yet, I tend to feel a bit differently about my daughter.  This is because I want her to create her own path with her own footsteps.  I will hold her hand along the way, but I do not want her to follow me.

So to my daughter I say to you, "Don't follow in my footsteps, my child.  Create your own path".  I will always support you, and I will always love you.  With every step you take, I will guide you with all my heart, knowledge and wisdom.  And while I walk beside you, I know you will find your own way in this world. 

I will hold your hand, my little one.  I will create space for you to be yourself.  I will do my best to never put out the fire in your soul.  And I will help you grow through your own journey in life.  When problems arise, I will be by your side to help you through them.  I will never leave you because I will always be with you.  And I know that you will continue to blossom.  I cannot wait to watch you show the world the way in which you glow!  

I want you to know that I look forward to watching you slide your feet into your own high heeled shoes.  And I am excited to continue to go through life with you by my side.  My precious daughter, be courageous, and be a brave warrior as you walk your own path.  Go forward steadfastly showing the world everything wonderful that you have to offer.  

-Words by Rebecca

Brave girl, 

Walk your own path.

You don't have to fill anyone else's shoes.  

You were never meant to become a copy of someone else. 

You were created with your own dreams,

your own gifts, 

your own beautiful way of seeing the world. 

Be kind.

Be curious. 

Be true to your heart. 

And if the road you choose looks different

from everyone around you,

walk it anyway. 

Because the world does't need another 

version of someone else.

It needs you.

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Maybe If I Don't Do It...

 

It is both interesting and unique to have a brain that tells you what not to do rather than encouraging you to do something instead.  For example:

"Maybe if I don't go outside of my house..."

"Maybe if I don't go on a trip..."

"Maybe if I don't go out with a friend..."

Maybe, just maybe, if I don't do anything other than my normal day-to-day routine, I will stay comfortable within the confines of my own environment.  Because, this is where I feel peaceful and safe.  Therefore, I have less anxiety and minimal opportunity for mental and emotional challenges.  

Dinner with a friend sounds like an enjoyable experience.  So, I make plans.  And then I try to find every excuse possible to cancel my plans.  However, this is not because I do not want to see my friend.  But rather, I am more calm, confident and secure at my house.  And the feeling of psychological safety far outweighs any uplifting feelings of the plans I intended to have.  

It is hard to explain the relief in canceled plans without understanding my anxiety, depression and mania.  Something as simple as clothes shopping at a mall can spiral into an overwhelmed, over-stimulated situation.  And this can abruptly offer an unfortunate opportunity for me to have a manic episode.  Therefore, my brain is completely comfortable with a "maybe if I don't do it..." mentality.  This is the part of my life that says "staying home is safer than leaving it".  

However, I work on this all the time, because I know how important it is to make and keep plans.  Also, I know that I can find peace in discomfort because there can be psychological growth in the unknown.  Sometimes, it is healthy for me to process the fear and then pursue the activity.  

I also take great pride in my relationships.  And therefore, I feel a sense of security when I am around certain people that I know and love.  And when that respect is reciprocated, there is a gentle peace and grace that lies in the opportunity to spend time with them.   

Finally, I make sure that I have a safety plan in place incase anything makes me uncomfortable.  For instance, my husband is always aware of my current location.  My best friend's phone number is saved in my "favorites".  And, if I need a break, my car is a safe place to sit and regroup.

I find encouragement in making plans but get discouraged when my brain tells me to cancel them.  However, when I keep my scheduled arrangements, I make sure to have a safety plan in place.  This offers me physical support when I might be in psychological distress.  And, as always, putting on my high heels gives me a confidence boost to put one foot in front of the other and move beyond my comfort zone.

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

A New Roof

 

Recently, we had a new roof installed on our house.  The very first conversation I had was with the Project Manager.  I clearly stated, "With all due respect, I want you to know that I plan on micromanaging this entire roof re-build".  He looked at me without hesitation and said, "I would not expect anything less.  The roof covers your house.  It protects you and your family.  I want you to work with me today to make sure it is done correctly."  

Over a long period of time, we started to notice that our current roof began to have multiple problems.  For example, we saw that the plywood had holes which opened directly into the attic.  Also, it became a game that after every snow or rain storm, we would walk around the house and play, "pick up shingles that fell on the ground".  We found that the shingles were disintegrating, and there were roofing particles in the gutters and on the yard.  We finally reached the point where we were very concerned that we would have leaks and water damage.  And, we knew that it would only get worse.  

In my conversation with the Project Manager, he was right in that the roof is the top foundation of the house.  This is because it covers all the framework that supports our house.  And most importantly, without the roof, there is no home for us to live in.  

When working through how we were going to afford the new roof, my husband said, "Food, water and shelter for our family are priorities.  And without a reliable roof, I do not feel confident in sheltering us."  So, we diligently worked through a plan on how to make this project successful.  

In looking back, I can honestly say that I took my roof for granted.  I never thought about how important it was to have a roof on my house to protect my family from all the elements.  And now that it is replaced, it holds so much more meaning to me.  This is because I now feel an elevated level of blessings in my life.  

Therefore, I feel strongly that I am blessed for my family to not only have food and water, but also adequate shelter.  Today, I wear my high heels as a reminder of all these blessings that I have in my life.  I am grateful to have a new roof to support the foundation of my house.  Since the the structure is now reliable, it is a safe home for my family. 

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.