Why High Heels?

 

Arguably, I feel as if there should not be a limit on the amount of shoes I buy!  Much to my husbands dismay, I also think there should be a line item in our budget for “special shoes”!  Shall we call it an obsession?  No!  But it is definitely a fun hobby where my feet, outfits and mental well-being benefit.  Since companies make shoes in various styles, colors, shapes and sizes, I am never fearful of an inevitable end to my shoe collection.  


To me, what I wear on my feet does not represent just fun and beauty, it also hold a much deeper meaning.  This is because shoes are a symbol to remind me to put one foot in front of the other, even when life wants me to stand still and not move at all.  Being a bipolar disorder survivor, I face highs and lows associated with this mental illness.  And each time I slide my feet into my high heels, I am encouraged to take one step at a time to get through each moment of the day.  

But, you may ask yourself, "Why shoes"?  And my response is as follows:

The unhealthy lows of bipolar disorder tell my brain that it is best to stay in bed.  However, when I can overcome the depression and slide my feet out of bed and onto the floor, I immediately wear slippers.  I cover my feet to surround them with encouragement to begin my day.  On days that I am well enough, my slippers turn into a shoe that will take me outside.  And those shoes are usually high heels encouraging me to be confident as I step foot outside the confines of my comfort zone and into the world of many unknowns.  

Some days are easier than others to get out of bed.  Often times, my feet only make their way into slippers.  But on several occasions, I am able to slide my feet into high heels and make my way outside of my house.  If I simply get of bed and do stay-at-home self care, or I venture outside the comfort of my home, I remain encouraged.  I offer myself grace on the rough days and shoes add a confidence boost to the healthy days.  

For me, shoes are a reminder that with one foot in front of the other, I can always move forward no matter what life throws in my direction.  Whether it is with one simple pair of shoes or a different shoe for every occasion, I know that an illness cannot hold me back.  So with each step I take, I remain filled with hope.  And I place one foot in front of the other as I move through life one moment at a time in my high heels. 

 

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Warriors Of Love

Warriors of Love

Written by my daughter

Age 10 years old

“Love is something you receive and give.  Love needs to be cared for.  Love can hurt, but if you push through all that tough pain, you’ll find all the good funny tingling wonderful sensations.


But, the "Warriors of Love" can do this best out of anyone.  You just don’t wake up a warrior, and it isn’t passed through generations.  Instead, Warriors of Love just simply love fully and care deeply.  They give to others even when it’s tough.


Maybe that warrior of love is you.  If you say “I’m a Warrior of Love” yet don’t act on it, then you probably aren’t.  This is because the warriors are the ones who don’t know that they themselves have this quality.  They have inner strength and they just love on others because it feels good.


The love warriors are the ones who make this world a better place.  There is no need to ask yourself if you are or are not this kind of person.  Because if you wish for it but don’t work for it, then maybe it’s not you.  Do not ask yourself about it. Don’t wish for love to happen.  Instead, just do it and act on it.”


After she wrote and read this to me, I said, “sweetheart, who is an example of a Warrior of Love in your life?”  With a thoughtful pause, she said, “Mommy, I think you are.  You love others with all your heart even when maybe they don’t love you back.  And you love with your whole heart and don’t ask for anything in return.”

The words of my daughter made me feel seen.  This is because I felt like she acknowledged my outward expression of love.  Maybe you don’t realize it, but someone else sees you as a Warrior of Love in their lives.  

My daughters words are a pertinent expression of how she feels, and how she relates to the love she witnesses in her life.  I am honored to be viewed as Warrior of Love.  And as we all slide our feet into our high heels, I hope you will be reminded of someone who made you feel seen and loved as well.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

The Life I Have Chosen To Create

 

Twenty years ago, my husband and I started dating.  In the midst of our celebration, I was asked, "If you could do it all over again, would you go back twenty years and still choose the same path?  Would you still spend twenty years with this same person?"  While I was certainly taken aback by the blunt questions, my response came without hesitation, "I would change nothing about my decision to date him.  The life we have created together is an honor.  And I am so glad that I get to live it with him by my side".  

If there is one thing that I know about myself, it is that I do not settle.  I have always been a strong-willed, independent person.  From a young age, I took the initiative to learn new things about life.  For any unanswered questions that lingered in my mind, I sought out the answers on my own.  I was never afraid to be myself even through adversity during my days at school.  And I grew up in a supportive family that gave me the freedom to discover life on my own terms. 

Have I been through a lot of unpleasant circumstances throughout my life?  Yes, of course.  But challenges never stopped me from pushing forward and unfolding the life I have chosen to create.  For me, difficulties provide experiences that cause me to persevere even more.  

I have had to push the "restart" button more than once in my life.  I have needed to pause, take a deep breath and reconvene with myself.  More times than I can remember, life has thrown me obstacles that have made me change the course of my desired outcomes.  And yet, I have refused to settle for a life I do not want.  

For me, I am grateful.  I have a husband who loves me fiercely, honestly and genuinely.  I have a daughter who exemplifies strength and resilience.  And I live a life that I was brave enough to create.  

So, to the person who questioned my decisions that I made twenty years ago, I say to you, "While I have had to hit the restart button more than once in my life, I will always be grateful for the one man who has stayed by my side through it all.  Also, I would never want to change the people in my life who have weaved their stories into my own.  And while situations in life may offer me sneakers, I will always choose to slide my feet into my high heels." 

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.