A New Roof

 

Recently, we had a new roof installed on our house.  The very first conversation I had was with the Project Manager.  I clearly stated, "With all due respect, I want you to know that I plan on micromanaging this entire roof re-build".  He looked at me without hesitation and said, "I would not expect anything less.  The roof covers your house.  It protects you and your family.  I want you to work with me today to make sure it is done correctly."  

Over a long period of time, we started to notice that our current roof began to have multiple problems.  For example, we saw that the plywood had holes which opened directly into the attic.  Also, it became a game that after every snow or rain storm, we would walk around the house and play, "pick up shingles that fell on the ground".  We found that the shingles were disintegrating, and there were roofing particles in the gutters and on the yard.  We finally reached the point where we were very concerned that we would have leaks and water damage.  And, we knew that it would only get worse.  

In my conversation with the Project Manager, he was right in that the roof is the top foundation of the house.  This is because it covers all the framework that supports our house.  And most importantly, without the roof, there is no home for us to live in.  

When working through how we were going to afford the new roof, my husband said, "Food, water and shelter for our family are priorities.  And without a reliable roof, I do not feel confident in sheltering us."  So, we diligently worked through a plan on how to make this project successful.  

In looking back, I can honestly say that I took my roof for granted.  I never thought about how important it was to have a roof on my house to protect my family from all the elements.  And now that it is replaced, it holds so much more meaning to me.  This is because I now feel an elevated level of blessings in my life.  

Therefore, I feel strongly that I am blessed for my family to not only have food and water, but also adequate shelter.  Today, I wear my high heels as a reminder of all these blessings that I have in my life.  I am grateful to have a new roof to support the foundation of my house.  Since the the structure is now reliable, it is a safe home for my family. 

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Wildflowers, Butterflies And Rainbows

 

As a young child, I often had a difficult time falling asleep.  My brain would wonder in circles trying to figure out how to process the events from the day.  And I would spiral into a never-ending cycle of thoughts.  

The nights that I could not fall asleep, it felt as if my brain was going for a run on a treadmill.  As it cycled around and around, I would not be able to get off this hypothetical treadmill.  And when I would finally sleep, I did not feel well-rested the next day.  

As a witness to my struggles and in an effort to help, my brother made me a CD.  It was filled with 45 minutes of ocean waves, and I would listen to it before going to bed.  Sometimes listening to the waves would guide my mind into a calmer place and help me to fall asleep.  

I also found imagery to be helpful.  As I lay my head on my pillow, I felt it was important to have positive images in my mind.  This helped me to focus my brain on happy, gentle thoughts as I tried to fall asleep.  For example, I would close my eyes and imagine a field of wildflowers.  Flying above the flowers were always butterflies.  And high in the sky was a rainbow.  I would imagine myself in the field walking slowly through the flowers as the butterflies fluttered their wings gently overhead.  And the sunshine illuminated the rainbow.  

In addition to this imagery, over the years I have learned other strategies to help me fall asleep.  I use various cell phone apps that have gentle calming sounds of rain, waves and lullabies to help relax my brain.  I have also tried meditation, yoga and tai chi before tucking myself into bed.    

When I crave sleep but my mind will not let me rest, these various techniques help keep me calm as I lay my head on my pillow.  The inability to fall asleep can be very discouraging.  Without sleep, the next day can be long.  However, every night I try to fill my mind with wildflowers, butterflies and rainbows.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

It Still Hurts, Part 2

I was recently asked, "When do you plan on going back to work?"  To which I replied, “My health reminds me that unfortunately I am not ready yet”.  Because, the truth is, it still hurts.  I am both mentally and physically still struggling with my health.  


In 2012, I was formally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.  I was initially told I had Major Depression, but manic episodes quickly changed the diagnosis.  Living my life with a combination of mania and depression has been extremely challenging.  Psychological stabilization has included multiple hospitalizations and numerous medication changes.  While I have survived some of the darkest days of my life, this is not the only health battle that I face.   

Since 2018, I have suffered from Chronic Migraines.  Every 3 months I undergo botox treatments, and I give myself a maintenance injection every 30 days.  And finally, at the onset of a migraine that starts quickly and suddenly, I take a medication.  This is because I can feel the excruciating pain behind my eyes moving into my head.  They are disruptive and debilitating.  

To further explain the current state of my health, I have lived with the effects of Long Covid since December of 2022.  A team of medical experts monitor and support me at a local Long Covid Clinic.  The main symptoms I now live with include chronic fatigue, anxiety and brain fog.  

So, am I working again?  No.  Due to multiple illnesses being addressed at once, I spend a large portion of my daily life going to various doctors appointments.  And when time allows, I take long naps because having chronic fatigue can make it unbearable to function without one.  

The support from my doctors helps to keep me stable.  And at the same time, I also practice various forms of self-care to support my healthcare journey.  For example, I make it a point to drink a lot of water and eat healthy foods.  I love to do paint-by-numbers, I read books and articles, and I take time to do as much physical activity as my health allows.  

However, It. All. Still Hurts.  Yet, I choose to not live my life with the pain defining the woman that I have become.  Instead, I push forward through every challenge that presents itself.  And when I am well enough, I slide my feet into my high heels and do the best I can with every day that I am blessed to have.

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.