Boundaries...Or Lack Thereof

I was recently at a family gathering.  We had a lovely celebration with food, drinks and desserts!  It was a beautiful event and it was nice to be together. 

However, it was not so exciting for one of my family members because he recently lost his job.  He was an executive in a large organization.  The company was downsizing due to an acquisition, and his position was being eliminated.  Unfortunately for him, one of the first questions that came up in discussions included, "How is your job going?".  

Upon learning this sad news, I could see the overwhelming disappointment on his face.  And yet, the questions continued to flow in his direction, "Why did they let you go?"  "What did you do to deserve the outcome of this decision?"  "Are you looking for new jobs?"  "Will you be financially stable until you find something new?"  

Everyone was clearly curious about his situation.  However, by the end of the evening, it seemed he was distraught.  When I hugged him goodbye, I felt awful knowing that all night he just wanted to be left alone.  

Later that week, I debriefed this scenario with my therapist, and she explained there was clearly a lack of boundaries.  The family members who questioned him had little understanding of the emotional toll this was taking on him.  And while their intentions were of good nature, the result was that he left the party extremely upset.  

Furthermore, my therapist explained that if he took the lead on guiding the conversation, maybe he could have protected himself from so many questions.  He could have simply answered a thought-provoking question, and then changed the subject.  For example, "My job was eliminated and it has been very hard on me.  However, I would prefer to not discuss it further.  Yet, I would love to know how you and your children are doing?"  Or, "Things in my world are very challenging right now, but I am learning to take one day at a time.  How was your autumn?"  

For me, this was a learning experience of boundaries with family members.  I have been in many situations where I am questioned about my job, and sometimes I walk away feeling like a failure.  But setting boundaries with others is helpful for me.  It is healing because it creates an opportunity for me to learn a lesson about myself as I relate to others.  

The next time you slip your toes into your special shoes, maybe take a moment to think about your relationships.  Remind yourself that you are a super human full of love, and you deserve respect from everyone including those who love you the most.  And sometimes, we have to set boundaries to protect our souls through tough times in our lives.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Everything Will Be Okay

 

Recently, my husband and I were leaning into a deep reflection of these past two years.  December 2022 began a chaotic disaster of physical and mental health issues.  It has been a traumatic rollercoaster for me.  And it has also deeply affected my family.  Truthfully, we are exhausted.  

My body has always been very sensitive to medication, illness and injury.  While the average person may take 10 days to heal from a common upper respiratory viral infection, it takes me over 14 days.  A simple bruise may take most people 5 days to disappear and for me, it could take 7-10 days to heal.  I am very aware of this and therefore know my body has many sensitivities.  


On this same note, my body is very finicky when it comes to medications.  Sometimes a medicine that most people can use, my body may struggle to adjust.  It’s hard sometimes to know which medications I tolerate without, unfortunately, having to try them first.  Recently, I tried a medication to help with my anxiety and my body had an adverse reaction to it.  Upon finding out about this, my father-in-law looked at me and said, "You just have the worst luck".  

As I continue to reflect on these past two years, I know that I have tried my hardest every step of the way.  Through two bouts of COVID, Long COVID symptoms, chronic migraines, chronic fatigue, anxiety, bipolar disorder and two major surgeries, I have taken life one moment at a time.  And I continue to try and work on my health and wellbeing every single day.  

I know that I feel mentally and physically truly exhausted.  Yet, resting is just as important as doing all the things that life throws in my direction.  I believe it is not healthy to push through exhaustion to get through to the next moment.  Sometimes it is hard to find time to rest however, I know the importance of a nap and a good solid nights sleep.  

I end this post with a letter of love and encouragement.  This is for myself and for all those struggling through their own life battles.  We all have a story to share and I am honored to share mine with all of you.  And, at the end of the day, I know that "everything will be okay".  

A letter to the exhausted....

Beautiful human, I need you to stop.

I need you to stop for just one moment and remember how far you've come,

how much you've grown.

I need you to remind yourself that there hasn't been one challenge you haven't overcome.

Know that you are strong, capable, gifted and the Universe has a beautiful purpose for you here on earth.

I need you to remember that you are amazing.

You are a masterpiece, and your story is a testimony to other people. 

Keep shining, and be SO very proud of the human you are becoming. 

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.