Fight or Flight Mechanism

This past Tuesday, I had a huge meeting.  A consultant was presenting my data to five top executives at my company.  And when I say the meeting was a disaster, it was truly a catastrophe.  The consultant misinterpreted the data and misrepresented many of the statistics.  The executives were not only correcting the data during the presentation but I was also questioned afterwards.  Two of the group leaders wanted to know where they got their data and why it was wrong.  And they wanted answers from me. 


I take pride in my work and I work very hard.  I also am a very intelligent woman.  Not to toot my own horn or anything but I did get a 4.0 grade point average in graduate school.  So when I tell you that I clammed up and did not have answers to give them, I fell completely quiet and crawled into a shell.  The leaders wanted answers and I could not find anything in my head to tell them.  I felt about an inch tall and I wanted to run and hide in a corner and cry.  So I simply stated that I agreed with them that the presentation needed work and that I would do what I could to work with the consultant to rectify the data. 


After the meeting, I wanted to run away.  I wanted to quit my job and never go back again.  I wanted to pack up my office and say goodbye to my coworkers.  I wished the meeting never happened and I wanted nothing to do with cleaning up what I saw as a big data mess.


Have you ever heard the term “fight or flight”?  To me, it simply means to stay in the situation and fight your way through it or to leave the situation completely.  This mechanism inside my brain over-dramatizes the situation and offers an “out” for my mental health.  In this instance, my mind wanted to candidly run away from the situation and not stay and fight my way through how to remedy it.  Let me be very clear that I recognize this is an extreme way of seeing the world and of handling negative situations.  And it is truly painful to work through.


In this instance of flight, I handled it as every good hard worker would:  I vented to my friend who works in another department.  She knows me very well and knows that I suffer from a mental illness.  And I trust her.  I explained that my brain was being extreme and unhealthy and that I needed her help.  So she sent me a song to listen to and I went for a walk. 


When I got back from my walk, I talked to our executive assistant and she put me in a half hour time slot to speak with my boss.  My boss was one of the executives who were present at the meeting so he was fully aware of the situation that took place.  He listened and helped me to trouble-shoot a way to handle the consultant going forward.  And we discussed how to be proactive with the consultant rather than retroactive with the data analysis.  


To say that I feel better would not honestly depict the situation.  But to say that I feel worse would not do it any justice.  So I will simply say that I am working through the process and taking it one step at a time…in my high heels of course. 


Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.