"It was 6 a.m. and we had been in the emergency department for my husband since 10 p.m. the night before. Having been completely deprived of sleep and running strictly on adrenaline, my mental health went out of control. I had a manic episode and it was the worst one to date.
When I came out of it, off cloud two hundred, and back to reality, I counted seven holes that I had put in my ears with various safety pins. My husband, who was sleeping at the time, woke up to find me this way and he almost passed out looking at my ears. He asked me what I was thinking and I said, “I am not sure. I just wanted to pierce my ears and make them pretty.” After this, he helped me to put earrings through the holes I had created and we removed the safety pins one by one. He laid me down and I took a very long nap.
You see my friends, I suffer from bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with it in the spring of 2012 after trying to buy a brand new car off a credit card with a limit of $2000. My husband had to take my credit card from me and drive me home from the dealership. This is the manic side of my bipolar disorder. The opposing side to this is the depression and I suffer from both.
When the depression gets out of control, I generally end up in an emergency room and hospitalized for at least a week. This has happened three times so far in my short thirty-three years of life. The last time I was hospitalized because I emailed my husband a suicide letter. The pills were ready to be taken and out on the counter. The only thing between the pills and me was the bed I was sleeping on at the time.
I tell you this information not to scare you but to explain to you the good, the bad and the ugly of bipolar disorder as it pertains to me. And to say that I am proud of myself for where I have come is an understatement. I have lived through hell and back and I still put on my high heels every day and go to work. Yes, I have been on disability before and I have gone through months of living at home in order to make ends meet. But today, I am stable and I work a full-time job.
My good friend once asked me to explain to her how I control my mental health. And I realized in that moment that I use many different means of healing. I use medication, a counselor, mindfulness thinking, support of family, love of friends, prayer, music, a proper diet, exercise and the list goes on. When times get rough, I pull out whatever healthy means I have at the time to best handle the situation.
On a regular basis, there are five rules that I follow: I eat proper nutrition, I drink lots of water, I exercise, I take my medication and I see my counselor. These simple steps keep me stable as I walk through life one step at a time, one high heel in front of the other.
Yours Truly,
Moody Mom"
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