Post New Years Dilemma

For some reason the close of one year and the opening of a new year always seems to lead me down the road of depression.  New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day were spent with family this year at my mom’s house.  We ate a ton of food, drank lots of wine and played games like BananaGrams (but do not play my brother because he is bound to win every time)! 

 

But when I tell you that January 2^nd hit me like a ton of bricks, I am telling you it hit me hard.  Maybe it did not help that this year it fell on a Wednesday or “hump day” because it certainly felt like I had to crawl moment by moment over the hump of the day itself.  I could not get out of bed to save my life and when I finally did roll out of bed and get a shower, I did not get into work until 10:30am. 

 

I do not know what it is about a new year that bothers me so much.  Is it the letting go of the previous year?  Is it trying to look forward to another year ahead?  Maybe it is a little bit of both. 

 

Today I asked my husband his thoughts on my end of the year/new year depression.  He suggested that maybe it is because of all the hustle and bustle of the holidays with lots of family around.  When all that ends and all the presents are open, you are left with going back to work again and starting a new year.  (Not that work is a bad thing by any means but just that you try to go back to a state of normalcy).   

 

There is a kind of "high" with the holidays:  getting prepared, buying presents, seeing family, decorating the house.  Then there is Santa and my Elf on the Shelf (his name is "Strawberry" as so eloquently named by my daughter).  For my family, we live the furthest driving distance away from everyone so the central locations are my mom and grandmothers house so the holidays also bring a great deal of driving as well. 

But all that to say that there is excitement fueled by anticipation.  And all this leads to severe exhaustion come January 2^nd.  And for this whole week I have just been going through the motions wanting nothing more than to be in my pajamas and be in bed.

 

I do recognize that this level of depression comes every year at the same exact time.  And to some extent, I have come to accept it and ready myself for its arrival.  My therapist called me to check in yesterday and I told her I was “depressed but I recognized it and am working through it” and she said, “Stacy, I am so darn proud of you.”  It is as if she saw that I was struggling but at the same time, I noticed what I was going through.  I also put words to it (which is sometimes harder than not) and, I am doing something about it for example, listening to uplifting music, talking to my friends at work, communicating with my therapist and getting myself back into a workout routine.  This is what puts me on the path to recovery and this is what keeps me going through the rough times. 

You know what is really ironic?  This week, I have not worn high heels once.  So tomorrow, I put away the flats, I raise my chin up high and I put my high heeled shoes back on again.  Let's do this.  Let's do 2019 together. 

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.