Yesterday my husband said, “are you still blogging?” to which I replied, “does anyone care if I do?” and he stated, “yes, I do”. So this post is for him.
Recently I have been working on a project at work. Not just any project but a population analysis, with market share and volume projections for 5 years. This project is a beast. And to be quite frank with you, I treated it like one too. I figured it would eat me, chew me up and then swallow me down into its belly just like any other beast you would find in a scary movie.
The other night before bed, my daughter and I were reading a fairy tale that had a monster in it. She looked at me when the book was over and said, “mommy, I have never seen a monster before”. I replied with confidence, “and you never will my darling”. If my life were the fairy tale, this project is certainly the monster.
So what does this have to do with having bipolar? Well, let me tell you… my mental illness plays games with me. And mainly what I mean by that is that it takes my confidence away. I spent an entire day staring at my step by step process to which I needed to follow in order to accomplish this projection. Then I spent an hour with my boss going over the project guidelines in great detail. Then I spent the following day floundering around in and out of reports and report writing software.
When I tell you I felt defeated, I mean it. On Tuesday I called my husband and cried frantically telling him I was going to quit my job. On Wednesday, I wore flats…I just didn’t feel like my high heels were appropriate for a failure. By Wednesday night, I was lying awake in my bed trying desperately to fall asleep when a sense of peace and calm came over me. In that moment, I reached out to the universe for help.
My girlfriend at work always prays to “baby Jesus” so I thought I might give it a try. “Dear Baby Jesus, I need your help with this project. Please help me. Amen.” And I drifted off to sleep. The next day I put on what my husband calls my “power heels” (a red pair of high high heel shoes) and I set off to work.
I deleted the file that I had started over the past week with all the documents in it that I had begun to work on. And I opened a new folder and I started fresh from scratch. I pulled the data from the different databases and I did it MY WAY. I did it the Stacy way… one excel tab at a time. I built the entire document from scratch and 12 tabs later, I ended my progress with an Executive Summary.
But that of course was not the end of it. I had to present my data to my boss the following day. So Friday, I put on another pair of high heels and I set up a meeting with my boss at 11:00am. We sat in a conference room with a large computer screen where we went through each tab all the way to the Executive Summary.
45 minutes later, my boss looked at me and I said, “I made this project my own. And I worked really hard on it and I am pleased. I know I still have work to do but its mine and I am proud of it”. He looked at me and said, “THIS is what we DO. And YOU did it. Great job.” Now, if you know my boss you know that you are hard-pressed for a compliment from him. So when I tell you I was on top of the world, I was glowing.
So my friends, drop the microphone, project (almost- with a few more tweaks) complete with the bosses stamp of approval. Yes, the struggle is real but the success after a war with myself is even more real.
Whether you talk to Baby Jesus, reach out to the Universe or pray to the Lord for guidance, I recommend this for sure. For me, it gave me a peace and confidence that I had not experienced until that time. And sometimes you just have to walk away from it and start over. But just knowing that I had cheerleaders (friends, family, my one co-worker) on my side cheering for me the whole time also gave me the support I needed to get through this project.
So put on your “power heels” and lets do this. Lets tackle life, one project at a time.
Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.
