Self-Love

 

Self-love is a hard topic for me.  I struggle a lot with accepting where I am in my life.  Yet, in the midst of the chaos, there is a small twinkle of hope.  And that little light keeps me going forward.  

I have been struggling recently with living one moment at a time.  My thoughts are so far into the future that it overwhelms me.  I feel lost in the middle of a tornado of emotions, which leads me to never-ending anxiety.  Therefore, I tend to take simple things for granted and I forget to be grateful.  

Recently, one of my family members fractured their elbow.  It took her out of every sport that she loved, ended summer swimming with her friends, and stopped her from doing simple chores around the house.  She went from a high-functioning athlete to now needing help opening the toothpaste bottle to brush her teeth.  In the blink of an eye, her life flipped upside down.  

Not only did her physical health change but her mental health changed, too.  After lots of hugs and a "get well soon" balloon, we sat down and talked.  She looked me in the eyes and said, "I took my arm for granted.  I forgot how important it is to be grateful to be able to use every single part of my body.  Now that I can't, I am reminded that life can change very suddenly". 

Her wise words reminded me that I need to focus on one moment at a time.  Looking into the future can be daunting because I do not know what lies ahead.  I cannot control the moments that have yet to take place.  

It is so important to remember that every tiny moment in the present matters.  I can let anxiety, fear, panic and worry surround me.  Or, I can re-wire my brain to live with self-love and be patient with the person I am becoming.  

So today, as I slide my feet into my high heel shoes, I will remind myself to be grateful.  When I feel overwhelmed, I will remember to love myself.  And when in doubt, I will look for that little twinkle of hope to get me through the day.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it. 

Becoming A Butterfly

 

I love butterflies.  And I am always touched by the gentle reminder that a butterfly was once a caterpillar.  The process and journey of the caterpillar becoming a butterfly is so beautiful to me.


Earlier today I was reflecting on the term and concept of "to become" or "becoming".  To me, in order to try to become an evolved version of myself means that I have to therefore accept where I am in the present.  And by accepting where I am, I allow space for myself to see where I can potentially be in the future.  I feel like this is a beautiful theory, yet my reflection on this made me stumble upon a recent example in my own life.  


In 2020, during the beginning of the pandemic, I set a goal to run a 5k, which is roughly 3.11 miles.  I even went as far as to buy a "virtual race kit" to accomplish this goal.  Upon completion of running the 5k, I was supposed to post pictures on the race website and earn a medal that was mailed to me.  So, I started training for the run.


My grandfather used to say, "If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all" and he was right.  About 6 months into training, I ran my way into a back injury.  This paused my training and took the excitement out of the idea.  One year later, I contracted COVID for the first time and became extremely ill.  And then after two major surgeries and getting COVID for the second time, I finally began a journey to becoming physically healthy again.  Yet, approximately 5 years later, I had yet to accomplish my goal.


3 months ago, I looked at my husband with tears rolling down my face.  I told him that all I wanted to do was run this 5k before my birthday.  We discussed my physical health, including my limited lung capacity, and my psychological health of the constantly lingering depression. These health issues were keeping me from accomplishing my goal that I wanted so badly to pursue.


Knowing that I wanted to become a stronger version of myself, my husband helped me map out a way to obtain my goal of running a 5k before the end of July 2025.  And so, my journey began.  I started off as a little caterpillar.  I walked half a mile a day for weeks.  And I slowly added a little jogging into my routine.  My walking turned into jogging and my jogging turned into running.  My lungs, legs and arms grew stronger and my mental health was also reaping the benefits of body movement for 45minutes a day 3 to 4 days a week.


This past Sunday, I ran my very first 5k.  I took my time, I paced myself, and I did a lot of positive self talk.  In that moment, I felt like I finally became a butterfly.  When my daughter presented me with my medal, it felt like 5 years of accomplishment hanging around my neck.   


So much of me felt stagnant for years.  But when I was finally healthy enough to think about becoming a mentally and physically stronger version of myself, I was able to meet a 5-year goal.  I honored 
who I was and became the person I wanted to be.


When I am not wearing high heels, I am wearing running sneakers.  And both make me feel just as beautiful.  And I am gently reminded that in order to become a stronger version of the person I currently am, I have to honor the caterpillar I am in the present moment while preparing for the butterfly I want to be in the future.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it. 

How Do You Perceive Yourself

 

It is my belief that how you perceive yourself is not the same way in which others perceive you.  Take a moment and look at the picture in this post.  If what you see in the mirror is only the straight-forward view of yourself, then you are not looking at the rest of your beautiful self.  There is so much more to you than just one view.  And other people have the ability to see beauty in you that you do not see in yourself. 

For example, my husband always says that I am too hard on myself.  He explains that I do not give myself enough credit for the things I do and the woman I have become.  And maybe he is right, because he sees me from a different perspective.  His perception is through the lense of his loving and genuinely caring view of me.  


When I look in the mirror, I perceive myself to be someone who is pretty on the outside, and yet I am sad on the inside.  This is because I battle bipolar disorder.  Therefore, I know it is important to take care of myself.  

For these reasons, I like to wear jeans or nice pants and a fun shirt to compliment the look.  And if you know me, you will most likely see me sporting a pair of high heel shoes.  I feel good when I dress nicely.  Even though I may not feel confident inwardly, it makes me want to hold my head up high.  While clothes and shoes do not define who I am, I choose to look good on the outside to contrast my inner-most feelings of negative self-worth.  

On the other hand, a pair of yoga pants and sneakers feels really good sometimes, too.  And there is nothing wrong with sweat pants and flip flops.  This is a no-judgement zone for you to find comfort in who you are as a person, no matter how you perceive yourself.  

I hope that today and always you shine both on the inside and outside.  You are beautiful no matter what you wear.  This is because you are perfectly you.  


Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.