Recently my best friend has been struggling with depression. Her inability to vocalize this until more recently has been devastating to me. I feel like I have not been the friend that she needs. This is because when she did finally reach out to me via text, she explained that she felt like she was suffering in silence.
Being someone who battles bipolar and anxiety disorders, I have a special place in my heart for mental health. I have lived most of my life with mental illnesses, and I have grown a deep empathy for others who struggle through mental health challenges.
It is for this reason that I felt so sad when my best friend told me she was suffering silently with depression. She explained that getting out of bed in the morning was difficult. She said that she spent every moment battling through work just to get through the day. And every ounce of her body wanted nothing more than to constantly cry out of deepened sadness that she never knew she could feel.
Recent events have reminded me that suffering is not always loud. I know that being alone is not always peaceful. And I understand the importance of getting out of bed and simply having a sip of water. And then sending just one or two text messages can use up all of someones energy for that day.
The friend that I long to be, is the person that people reach out to when they need someone by their side. I do not want to stand back and watch life pass me by. Instead, I want to be actively involved in the daily life of the people that I love the most. My heart is broken for my friend and I feel like I failed her by not noticing her pain sooner.
I hope this is a subtle reminder that it is okay to not be okay. That when you feel despair, I hope you reach out to a loved one whom you trust with your heart. And if you feel you have no one, my hope is that you will reach out to a professional for the help that you so desperately need.
Amongst the chaos of my life, my best friend did not want to reach out to me because she did not want to "bother me". But, little did she know, she could never be anything but a perfectly precious part of my life. And I wanted her to know this. I wanted her to know that she could never be a bother to me because I love her so much.
As soon as we finished our text message conversation, I grabbed my pocketbook and went to the store. I bought her a pair of one inch white high heels, and I drove to her house. I snuck them in her mailbox with a note, "I love you. You are not alone. And I hope these heels are a reminder of your inner strength and ability to get through this tough time". Then I sent her a text message, "A secret admirer left a little something in your mailbox". I drove away knowing that she is my best friend, and I will never leave her side.
Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.
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