Becoming A Butterfly

 

I love butterflies.  And I am always touched by the gentle reminder that a butterfly was once a caterpillar.  The process and journey of the caterpillar becoming a butterfly is so beautiful to me.


Earlier today I was reflecting on the term and concept of "to become" or "becoming".  To me, in order to try to become an evolved version of myself means that I have to therefore accept where I am in the present.  And by accepting where I am, I allow space for myself to see where I can potentially be in the future.  I feel like this is a beautiful theory, yet my reflection on this made me stumble upon a recent example in my own life.  


In 2020, during the beginning of the pandemic, I set a goal to run a 5k, which is roughly 3.11 miles.  I even went as far as to buy a "virtual race kit" to accomplish this goal.  Upon completion of running the 5k, I was supposed to post pictures on the race website and earn a medal that was mailed to me.  So, I started training for the run.


My grandfather used to say, "If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all" and he was right.  About 6 months into training, I ran my way into a back injury.  This paused my training and took the excitement out of the idea.  One year later, I contracted COVID for the first time and became extremely ill.  And then after two major surgeries and getting COVID for the second time, I finally began a journey to becoming physically healthy again.  Yet, approximately 5 years later, I had yet to accomplish my goal.


3 months ago, I looked at my husband with tears rolling down my face.  I told him that all I wanted to do was run this 5k before my birthday.  We discussed my physical health, including my limited lung capacity, and my psychological health of the constantly lingering depression. These health issues were keeping me from accomplishing my goal that I wanted so badly to pursue.


Knowing that I wanted to become a stronger version of myself, my husband helped me map out a way to obtain my goal of running a 5k before the end of July 2025.  And so, my journey began.  I started off as a little caterpillar.  I walked half a mile a day for weeks.  And I slowly added a little jogging into my routine.  My walking turned into jogging and my jogging turned into running.  My lungs, legs and arms grew stronger and my mental health was also reaping the benefits of body movement for 45minutes a day 3 to 4 days a week.


This past Sunday, I ran my very first 5k.  I took my time, I paced myself, and I did a lot of positive self talk.  In that moment, I felt like I finally became a butterfly.  When my daughter presented me with my medal, it felt like 5 years of accomplishment hanging around my neck.   


So much of me felt stagnant for years.  But when I was finally healthy enough to think about becoming a mentally and physically stronger version of myself, I was able to meet a 5-year goal.  I honored 
who I was and became the person I wanted to be.


When I am not wearing high heels, I am wearing running sneakers.  And both make me feel just as beautiful.  And I am gently reminded that in order to become a stronger version of the person I currently am, I have to honor the caterpillar I am in the present moment while preparing for the butterfly I want to be in the future.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.