Boundaries...Or Lack Thereof

I was recently at a family gathering.  We had a lovely celebration with food, drinks and desserts!  It was a beautiful event and it was nice to be together. 

However, it was not so exciting for one of my family members because he recently lost his job.  He was an executive in a large organization.  The company was downsizing due to an acquisition, and his position was being eliminated.  Unfortunately for him, one of the first questions that came up in discussions included, "How is your job going?".  

Upon learning this sad news, I could see the overwhelming disappointment on his face.  And yet, the questions continued to flow in his direction, "Why did they let you go?"  "What did you do to deserve the outcome of this decision?"  "Are you looking for new jobs?"  "Will you be financially stable until you find something new?"  

Everyone was clearly curious about his situation.  However, by the end of the evening, it seemed he was distraught.  When I hugged him goodbye, I felt awful knowing that all night he just wanted to be left alone.  

Later that week, I debriefed this scenario with my therapist, and she explained there was clearly a lack of boundaries.  The family members who questioned him had little understanding of the emotional toll this was taking on him.  And while their intentions were of good nature, the result was that he left the party extremely upset.  

Furthermore, my therapist explained that if he took the lead on guiding the conversation, maybe he could have protected himself from so many questions.  He could have simply answered a thought-provoking question, and then changed the subject.  For example, "My job was eliminated and it has been very hard on me.  However, I would prefer to not discuss it further.  Yet, I would love to know how you and your children are doing?"  Or, "Things in my world are very challenging right now, but I am learning to take one day at a time.  How was your autumn?"  

For me, this was a learning experience of boundaries with family members.  I have been in many situations where I am questioned about my job, and sometimes I walk away feeling like a failure.  But setting boundaries with others is helpful for me.  It is healing because it creates an opportunity for me to learn a lesson about myself as I relate to others.  

The next time you slip your toes into your special shoes, maybe take a moment to think about your relationships.  Remind yourself that you are a super human full of love, and you deserve respect from everyone including those who love you the most.  And sometimes, we have to set boundaries to protect our souls through tough times in our lives.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.