Worrying Is Like A Rocking Chair...

 

I am very familiar with the feelings of both worry and anxiety.  And recently, I read an article that thoroughly explained the difference and similarities between the two.  The article explained that while they are very different from one another, both include the brain going through "what-if" scenarios. 

Growing up, a friend of mine said, "Worry is like a rocking chair.  It gives you something to do.  But it doesn't get you anywhere".  He explained that when I was worried, my brain would spiral into every single bad scenario that could happen in the future.  But he always told me to focus on the present moment and let the future unravel itself. 

When I worry about every single"what if" in the future, it causes my feelings of anxiety to heighten.  It allows space for my brain to spiral down a path of intangible uncertainty.  And creates a lot of space for future concern while I try to live in the present moment.  

The problem for me is that I feel a never-ending desire to control everything.  I want to make sure that my entire life unfolds according to the way in which I feel is best for myself and my family.  And by thinking through every future possibility, I tell myself that this will help me wrap my arms around every single present moment in life.  

Admittedly, my desire to control everything is comforting.  I allow myself to talk through all the future possibilities in order to fully prepare myself for anything that could transpire.  This way of processing the potential outcomes allows me to feel like I have a grasp on how life will turn out.  And this makes me feel less out of control knowing that I have tried to process what is yet to be.  

However, I know deep down that this approach is unhealthy.  I am fully aware that the future is unknown, and I fear what is yet to come since my past has been such a rollercoaster ride.  However, trying to process every single good and bad part of the future does not allow much room for solace in the present moments.  

My husband always says that he does not have to worry because I worry enough for both of us.  And he is right because I worry about everything.  Except more recently than not, I have been trying very hard to work on this, and take a vastly different approach to how I choose to live my life.  

For instance, when my mind tries to say, "what if", I remind myself of "what is" instead.  I tell myself to focus on what is here and what is real in this very moment.  I work through the feelings of control by allowing myself the space to remember everything that is within reach.  And by grounding my mind in what is transpiring now, I am less likely to drag myself through the murky unknown of the future. 

My truth is that my future will happen whether I try to control it or not.  Every day I make choices that guide the way in which my life will unfold.  And I try desperately to not wallow in what will be and rather, enjoy what is here and now.  

The universe unfolds in different ways for everyone.  But today, I hope you will slide your feet into your high heels and simply put one foot in front of the other.  Every single step takes us both towards and through each future moment.  And this is how our lives unravel into a beautiful unique story.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it. 

Don't Ask Permission To Fly

 

I have discovered more recently than not, I am paranoid about other people's perceptions of my intentions.  When I make a decision, it always feels like I have to justify my reasoning.  Day to day, it is very hard to process these feelings.  Due to my mental health and negative self-talk, I lack confidence, self esteem, and self-awareness.  My brain tells me that I should not make a simple choice.  Instead, it tells me to question my thoughts and motives.  


I usually feel compelled to explain to others the purpose behind my positive intentions.  Yet, I get mad at myself for letting my brain talk me in and out of a circle of justification for a simple decision in a given situation.  Is it helpful to have an explanation?  Sure.  But is it necessary to give a detailed analysis of my mental processes?  No, not always.  Therefore, I have to regularly remind myself that I do not need to explain my rationale that supports my choices.  My intentions are always pure and my reasons are genuine, real, and important.  


Recently, my friend told me that I should be more confident and less concerned with the opinions of others.  She said that my thoughts are relative to what I assume other people might be thinking.  So she gave me an analogy to put this into perspective:  

"If we were all birds, we would not ask permission to fly.  Instead, we would simply use our wings.  We would know full well that the sky belonged to no one in particular.  So therefore, we could just simply fly".  

This was a powerful reminder that I do not have to ask any other bird for permission to fly.  My wings belong to me and the sky is open to all of us when we are ready to take flight.  So, I will use my wings without feeling compelled to ask anyone else their thoughts on how, when and where I am flying.  

I know that this little bird is a work-in-progress.  It will take time for me to grow confident in myself, and even more time to be less worried about how others perceive me.  But, I am grateful for the sky that opens its beauty for all of us to take flight.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it. 

Healthy Boundaries

It has taken me a very long time to realize how important it is to set healthy boundaries.  Moreover, I have learned that I do not owe the other person an explanation of the boundaries which I have chosen to set in place.  And finally, implementing my decision to set boundaries has lifted multiple layers of unhealthy feelings that I have kept deep inside.  

I recently read a short story where a wise fox said to a little bird:  

"Observe, don't absorb.  Because a person's behavior is a mirror of their inner world.  It's about them, not you.  Protect your inner environment like sacred ground.  Observe the behavior.  Learn from it.  But don't absorb it."  

The fox reminded me that I do not need permission to protect my inner self from the environment of another person.  Pursuing a life with healthy boundaries means that I choose to observe the behavior of someone.  However, I do not have to absorb their thoughts and actions.  Because boundaries are for me, not for them.  

The hard truth is that the less I distance myself from an unhealthy relationship, the more absorbed I am into their world.  This leads me to care deeply about their feelings as it relates to me trying to set a boundary.  Yet, this poses a problem because I now feel obligated to care about the other person rather than genuinely loving them.  This makes me feel resentful towards them and unhappy with myself.  

Saying "no" or walking away creates a barrier towards other people in order to protect my mind, body and soul.  It allows me to stop being constantly available to others and be more present for myself.  It helps me be more fulfilled on a deeper level.  I find inner peace and less outer turmoil.  

In order to support a healthier version of myself, I have learned to look inward at the desires of my heart.  And the most genuine version of me, unapologetically sets healthy boundaries with others who try to steal my happiness.  Therefore, I refuse to let a negative person access my positive energy.

Vishakha Jain wrote:

They say, "She changed."  Well... yeah.  She stopped saying yes when she meant no.  Stopped shrinking just to be liked.  Stopped fixing what she didn't break.  She's softer now-but with boundaries.  Kinder- but unavailable to drama.  She didn't change.  She woke up.   

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.