I get teased for taking multiple trips to the grocery store each week. I make up a lot of excuses as to why. For example, needing fresh bread, forgetting to get milk or picking up fresh vegetables. But the hidden truth is that I do all of this because my neck and arm still hurt.
In March of 2024, I had my second major surgery at Johns Hopkins to sever one of the muscles causing excruciating pain down my left arm. Thoracic Outlet Syndrome (TOS) is not for the faint of heart. And even after 2 years of rehabilitation and recovery, I still feel the effects.
I will never forget sitting in my doctors office 4 months post-operation explaining to my doctor that my left arm was still causing me shooting and throbbing pain. He explained that I will only ever become 80% healed. The other 20% is nerve damage that I’ll suffer for the rest of my life.
So yes, I take multiple trips a week to the grocery store. But mainly because pushing a heavy shopping cart and lifting grocery bags is still painful. Also, I do not like long car rides because the position of sitting in the seat causes shooting pain down my arm. And I sit on my couch in a straight forward upright position to watch television. I do this because it is the only way I can tolerate the pain that twisting my neck sideways or upward causes.
Am I grateful for the 80%? With all my heart, yes. But do I still suffer daily from the 20%? Absolutely.
I try not to talk about the pain that TOS causes me anymore. Instead, I tolerate it and I adjust my life accordingly to live and manage it. When it hurts, I stretch my arm and shoulder like my physical therapist showed me. I change pillows regularly to sleep with less pain. And, I started taking private lessons for activities that help strengthen my arms to support my neck and shoulder.
Still, I remain encouraged and grateful for the good days and pain-free moments. And, I add a little spice to my life by wearing my high heels to go buy bread! Because, when it’s all said and done, I do my best to be present while still silently struggling with TOS 2 years later.
Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.
