Dusting Off My High Heels

I recently wrote about contracting COVID and how it affected my mental and physical health.  I wanted to take a few moments to honor my physical health and share some of last year's journey with you.  Will you read along while I share my trial and tribulations?

As I slipped my feet into my high heel boots last night, every part of my soul was filled with joy.  It has been so long since I last wore heels yet it broke my heart to wear flats.  And for over a year, I had to wear flat shoes and put my high heels away in storage.  

After I contracted COVID (Dec 2022), I was diagnosed with Thoracic Outlet Syndrome (TOS).  Since the virus attacked my central nervous system, it took a toll on my neck, left shoulder and arm.  I lost mostly all ability to use my left arm.  Humbly, I share with you that I used plastic silverware because anything else was too heavy.  I could not drive, I could not hold a book, I could only hold my cell phone for moments at a time.  And because of all this (and much more), I lost my job.  

We went from doctor to doctor for months trying everything we could to get answers.  I had injections into my neck and I was on massive amounts of painkillers.  Yet nothing worked and more importantly nothing helped the stabbing, jabbing, tingling and numbness in my arm and fingers.  As a last resort, we went to a neurosurgeon.  I was told they could operate on my neck, taking out disks and inserting new ones to hopefully ease the pain.  Yet at my age, none of this settled well and my husband insisted on a second opinion.  

By the summer of 2023, we saw a neurosurgeon at Johns Hopkins Medicine who immediately told us I was not a candidate for neck surgery and referred us to his colleague.  This new doctor specialized in TOS and after a muscle block and MRI, I was formally diagnosed.  I underwent major surgery removing an extra rib in my neck, part of the first rib, a muscle in my neck, and loads of scar tissue around my brachial plexus (the hub of the branch of nerves that send signals down your arm).  

Since September, recovery from surgery has been underway.  Nerves can take upwards of 6 months to 1 year to heal so the process has been long, slow and gradual.  Yet is has been filled with hope and peace knowing that healing is taking place within my body.  

As I continues to heal (mentally and physically), I proudly dusted off my high heels.  I have been wearing them for the last week every time I step foot out of my house.  Truth be told, I may have to have another surgery for my arm.  And my mental health is still struggling through all the turmoil.  But, in the meantime, I wear my heels to symbolize growth, strength and courage.  I offer this to you:  will you put on your high heels today, step one foot in front of another and smile in the mirror?  Because I know you are filled with hope too.  Because this is not the end but just the beginning.  

"Breaking down doesn't mean I'm broken. Losing hope doesn't mean I'm hopeless.  And maybe all I need is time.  It never happens overnight."  -Healing by Fletcher, the song

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.