Smile At Yourself in the Mirror

Admittedly, it has been a while since I last wrote.  But truth be told, I have never stopped believing in the importance of this blog and I never stopped thinking about my followers.  Thank you all for reading my past blogs and I am looking forward to sharing new stories with all of you. 

Let us step back a minute and play catch- up.  In December of 2022, I contracted COVID.  As with many others who had gotten it before me, I became extremely ill.  The virus attacked my central nervous system including both my physical health and my mental well-being.  On the mental health side, the brain fog was overwhelming, the anxiety was restricting, and the depression was haunting.  Physically, I suffered pain in my neck and left shoulder and lost mobility and functionality of my left arm.   

While in quarantine, I was so sick I couldn't even look at myself.  I struggled to get through each moment and my family watched me suffer while trying desperately to keep me alive.  Due to the symptoms I was experiencing, we called 911 and the paramedics came to our house once, my husband took me to the ED once and I requested help taking my own life.  Once.  All thanks to my family, I got through it one moment at a time.  

There was one particular instance that stands out to me.  I was violently vomiting head-first into a trash bag, when I had a revelation (the strong visual representation helps in order to share the profound impact of the moment).  In that very moment, I decided on two things.  First, that white pants are to be worn year around and not just during the summer!  And second, that no matter what emotion I was feeling, every time I looked at myself in the mirror, I would smile at...me.  

The following Christmas, I wore my most favorite pair of white pants.  I still giggle to myself when I see our family photo, remembering my promise and proudly wearing my white pants to Christmas dinner with my family.  And I remembered my commitment to "the smile".  And for one year, every time I looked at myself in the mirror, I smiled.  

To be real with you, I never believed in New Years Resolutions.  Not because I do not believe they are meaningful and not because I feel they are impossible to accomplish.  But for me, sometimes I struggle with the concept of one day or one week let alone comprehending an entire year ahead of me.   One month post-COVID started a new year and for me, it began with purpose and a commitment.  The concept was simple yet powerful:  Every time I look in the mirror, smile at myself.  

Now being January of 2024, I reflect on 2023 and can honestly and proudly confirm that I kept to my commitment of this powerful smile.  And when I tell you it was not easy, I mean it.  There were numerous times when I felt lousy yet I smiled at me.  I would finish brushing my teeth and smile at me.  I would comb through my wavy hair and smile at me.  I would feel totally horrible on the inside and I would still smile at me.  I stopped being able to use my left arm and yet I still smiled at me.  I could not run anymore and my body figure changed and I still smiled at me.  And I did this ritual for an entire year.  

The year of 2023 went by very slowly and very painfully.  Yet, I wore white pants not just in the summer but all year around.  And every time I looked in the mirror, I found within me a smile and I shined it at myself.  I leave you today with a simple thought:  What is meaningful to you and what will you do to implement that powerful meaning into your own life?

I love you all and will write again soon.  

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.