Are You Really Just Okay?

Do you ever have profound moments when someone makes a statement and those words stay with you for the rest of your life?  This happens to me as well and today I will share with you one such conversation that changed my perspective on answering simple questions.  

When I was in high school (many moons ago), I had a conversation with my girlfriend and it went something like this:

Friend: "Hi Stacy!  How are you doing today?"

Me: "Hi! I am fine!  How are you?"

Friend:  "Stacy, why does everyone answer that question with 'fine', 'good', 'okay', 'alright'?  And what if instead, we were just real with one another and answered the questions with genuine facts?"  

Me:  "I think its easier to give a one-word answer.  But lets try to be more real with one another going forward.  Lets answer the question with more details."

Friend:  "Okay, so how are you doing today?"

Me:  "I had a rough morning because I missed my alarm and woke up late so I had to rush.  How about you?"

Friend:  "My mom yelled at me so my morning got off to a bad start."

We hugged and went about our day.  

That simple yet profound conversation has stuck with me over the years.  It shines light on simple answers and begs the question "why"?  Or maybe it translates to "no wait, I want more information".  So, I try to be real with the people I love the most and give more details.  

I have come to realize that its important to share with others how we are doing.  Because if we lean into one-word answers, we close the opportunity to share with someone, be there for someone, or have someone love on us the way in which we may need love in that moment.  

Since I have taken it upon myself to give more honest answers, it has also supported my mental healthcare journey.  I know that when I am more open, I am able to get more support.  For example a simple text message conversation with my mother about how I am doing could be "I am fine.  The end".  But rather, I love my mom dearly and she knows me very well.  So with her I answer her questions with more data.  For example, "I am okay today.  I had a rough morning so I took a nap.  I just had a cup of coffee and now I am good".  This allows my mom to be present with me and support me, "Stacy, I am glad you took care of yourself and rested.  I am also glad you are in a better mental state now".  

The flip side to this that my mom, husband and close friends now know when I am, in fact, not okay too.  Because if given a one-word answer they know immediately that I am not in a good head space, that I am not okay or that I do not want to share what is really going on in my world.  And for those who know me and love me, they add support to my one-word answers.  For example, "Mom, I am fine" leads to "Stacy I am here for you if you need me".  Therefore, I have set up a genuine support system for myself.  

So today, I ask you:  How will you answer the questions said or texted to you?  Are you really fine?  Are you just okay?  Or is it a platform for love, genuine support and meaningful conversations?  I for one, know that I love you and I am in life with you.  Advice?  Find the people in your world that you can be real with.  Hold onto those people and lean into them.  And maybe the support system seeds that you planted will grow into flowers of love.  

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.