A Lot Of Courage

When a doctor mentions the word "surgery" every part of me cringes.  I despise the word because I know the ramifications of the aftermath.  I know that the word comes equip with a surgeon, many
surgical instruments, nurses, anesthesia and more recovery for my body.  

Recently, I have done a lot of reflecting on past surgeries knowing full well that I will have another one on Thursday.  Aside from wisdom teeth extraction, I have undergone a total of 8 surgeries.  Therefore, I felt a great amount of trauma when my doctor told me I needed another one.  The feelings of pure disgust, anticipation, anxiety and stress have fully settled into my mind.  And I can feel the weight of yet another surgery on the shoulders of my family.  

Why have another surgery?  The Thoracic Outlet Syndrome (TOS) Decompression surgery in September was major reconstruction of areas in my neck, shoulder and top of my chest.  This subsequently had a positive affect on the nerves that were causing horrid pains and lack of mobility down my arm.  This secondary surgery is a bit lower on my chest/shoulder and will decompress more nerves hopefully ending years of pain.  The TOS surgery took me to about 65% better and the next one, we can only hope, will get me back to 99% myself again.  

When I think about where I am today with all my healthcare issues that I have had over the years, I have to take a moment and honor myself with a bit of bravery.  Why?  Because my main diagnosis has always been bipolar disorder and chronic migraines yet the surgeries have proved otherwise for different parts of my body needing further intervention.  

So, my dearest friends, when I think about all I have been through, I lean away from overwhelming thoughts of sadness and anger and reflect instead on courage, strength and resilience.  I think about how proud I am for all that my family and I have been through with my health.  And I continue to have unending hope for days filled with healing, health and wellness in my journey of life.  

So during the month of March, I want all my ladies to wear their high heels and think of me.  And men, put on your dress shoes with pride.  If not for you, but maybe you'll do it this one time...for me.  I love you all.  

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.