He Had Me At "Hello"

I believe it is important to honor the people we care about the most in this world.  And I know in my heart that I have so many people who surround me with love.  But todays blog post is about one special person in particular.  He is my forever partner, my husband.  

I never met another person as loving, loyal and genuine as my husband.  When he speaks, his words are knowledgable and powerful.  His presence alone is welcoming and his body language always tells other people that it is safe to be around him.  He loves on others with such grace and he speaks eloquently with great precision in his voice.   

 

We went to college together.   When I met him, I was immediately attracted to him and when we first spoke, I knew I wanted to be his friend.  He and I had mutual acquaintances and we bumped into each other at a party one fun evening in the fall of 2005.  We spent the entirety of the following day together.  And somewhere around 10pm, amid a deep conversation about our families, I looked at him and I simply told myself these words: "I am going to marry him".

I am fortunate to have spent so much of my past with him, I lean into his wisdom in the present moments, and I cannot wait to spend every day with him in the future.  Do you believe in fairytales?  I do because I married an angel who has never left my side.


A statement by Beau Taplin: "Home is not where you are from, it is where you belong.  Some of us travel the whole world to find it. Others, find it in a person."  As for me, I am grateful that I found my home in the arms of the person I love.  I am grateful to have traveled the world not to find this person but, instead, with him.  

I would be a much different woman today without his support, patience and resilience.  His love surrounds me throughout every moment of every day, through every tear and every smile.  As I walk through this journey of life in high heeled shoes, he believes in me through all my endeavors and commends me on my bravery.  He is my person and I am forever grateful to spend this life with him.  

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Your Body Is Perfectly Precious

For me, my weight has always been a touchy subject.  Unfortunately, it is hard for me to wrap my head around the unhealthy relationship that I have had with my physical appearance over the years.  And my mental health has been affected by this.  Yet, I know deep in my soul that I am perfectly precious in every way.  


Today, I sat on the couch for an hour scrolling through social media posts on my phone, trying desperately to get my mind off of how hungry I felt.  All I could hear were their words in my mind.  The resounding, "Did you gain weight?  Did she gain weight?  Someone tell me because she looks like she gained weight" going through my brain on repeat.


I am 5'5" and currently weigh exactly 114.8lbs as of 8:35am this morning.  My highest post-adolescent weight was 185lbs during the spring of 2020.  My lowest weight was 105lbs after contracting COVID during the winter of 2023.


When I was a child, I had an elderly family member who never hugged me around my waist and back.  Instead, her hands always stopped at my hips so that she could take note, to my face, of my weight gain.  I would immediately get a comment about my outfit to remind me that my weight was being monitored.  

I have spent my entire life battling eating disorders.  In college, I went exactly 30 days drinking only water and eating exactly 3 mints per day.  I lost a lot of weight during that month but on day 31, I resorted to doughnuts and immediately gained the weight back again.  I recall one time post-college I had lost 20lbs in 3 months and was finally able to look at myself in the mirror again.  My partner said, "Is this it?  Is the battle over?  Are you finally happy with your weight?  Can you stop obsessing about it now?"  Then we got pregnant and my weight changed again.  

One of the hardest times for me is between Thanksgiving and Christmas where I know I will see the same family members twice within a short few weeks time period.  If my weight was not acceptable at Thanksgiving, I knew I had approximately 4 weeks to make it right before I saw everyone again.  The second hardest time for me is the summer.  Bathing suits have always been my enemy.  

 
Friends, the ugly cycle stops with me and it ends now.  I have a child who I refuse to allow to grow up the same way I did.  I am determined for my daughter to learn a healthy relationship with food.  And she will know that no matter what, she is beautifully perfect in my eyes.  

Today, I made a positive choice to eat while I typed this blog, contrary to the pit of shame that I feel on the inside of my stomach.  And I chose to write the words to this post not only for myself but for others who also struggle with an eating disorder.  I hope you will join me by putting on your special shoes that make you feel beautiful both inside and out.  And when you look at yourself in the mirror, may you see how perfectly precious you are in your own mind's eye.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

“You Do You Boo”

I believe it is important to be ourselves.  This means to unapologetically be our authentic self.  It includes being who you are without fear of being judged by others.  And I not only do my best to be true to myself but I also admire those who do the same.


As you can probably guess by now, I absolutely love dress shoes.  A month ago, I was gifted 6 pairs of high heels to add to my collection, and I have been glowing ever since!  I wear them all the time and to me, it’s who I am and part of what I represent to my inner self.  Therefore, I was not phased when another mom (sarcastically) asked me, “do you have a new pair of shoes for every day of the week?”  I proudly responded, “No, I am blessed to have a different pair of shoes for 2 weeks”!  To which she followed-up with a mild smile.


Earlier today, I was driving through a construction zone and there was a female construction worker holding a “slow” sign.  She had an orange outfit covering her whole body to make sure she was visible and to keep her safe from cars.  And dangling from her ears were these absolutely beautiful double hoop earrings.  She shined in the sun and her ears sparkled in the sunlight.  And she was perfect in every way, and I admired her.


On another note, one of my best friends owns a retail food market.  She could easily follow the minimal dress code of jeans and a collared shirt.  But yet she always adds her own twist to her daily routine, and she wears a full face of makeup.  This makes her feel pretty while she works with customers and puts a gorgeous smile on her beautiful face.


Years ago, I worked for a man who wore a full suit and tie to work daily.  He had no requirements to dress in this fashion yet he chose to look this way.  He exhibited poise while working hard every single day.  He always smiled and used to say, “I wake up every morning and put a smile on my face.  I wear a suit and I choose to be happy.  And this starts my day off on the right side of life”.  I always appreciated this perspective.

Whether a mom, a construction worker, a retail shop owner or a business man, “you do you boo”.  Be yourself and never apologize for who you are.  I hope you will encounter people who smile along with you and shine next to you while you glisten brightly in this world.  And I hope you will love on yourself for who you are no matter what others might think of the way you look, act or feel.


Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Exemplifying the Word "Resilient"

By definition, the word "resilient" refers to a person who is able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions.  After being bent, stretched or broken, the person is able to spring back, rebound and readily recover.  To me, there are two people in my life who exemplify this word, and they are my husband and my daughter.


My partner for life, my best friend, my husband, he shows grace through his actions.  He embraces strength as he guides our family through some of the hardest seasons of our lives.  My husband has been a part of my life since I was initially diagnosed with Major Depression, and he married me just months before my diagnosis changed to Bipolar Disorder.  Without complaint, he takes time off work to drive me two hours every few months to see my surgeon.  And throughout my various illness battles, he never has animosity towards the situation.  Instead, he handles it with precise direction towards helping me remain healthy.  

When I think about my husband, I recall various situations where he exhibited resilience.  For example, while I was resting during COVID quarantine, he spent over 4 hours rearranging our bedroom.  He did this because he wanted me to have a new start as I healed and recovered from this experience.  As my partner, he keeps his stresses and worries to himself in order to protect me from the emotional battles he withstands.  Amongst the chaos, he makes it a point to have hobbies that give him a break so that he can recharge and rejuvenate his emotional self.  

Secondly, my daughter is also resilient in many ways.  She has grown up with a Mommy who is sick, and has learned about my health issues at a very young age.  Throughout this process, my daughter struggles with feelings of anger, sadness and worry.  Even though she is scared that something bad could happen to me, she does not allow herself to live within the confines of those feelings.  Instead, she bounces back from negativity and asks poignant questions about my health.  This helps her learn more about my illnesses and provides her a safe space to feel positive emotions related to my healing and recovery.  

Unfortunately, my daughter has found me under a blanket in tears, she was witness to our cat dying of cancer, and she missed her winter concert because we had to call the paramedics for me.  However, she perseveres through all of the challenges that life has thrown her direction.  She is able to look to her own future without fear of meeting my needs in the present moment.  My daughter goes to school and sporting activities with a huge smile on her face, excelling as a brave and intelligent child.   

When I reflect on how much I have overcome, I think back on how much my husband and daughter have believed in me and supported me.  I am blessed by their presence in my life and love how we journey through life together.  I lean into how far the 3 of us have come and I look forward to how much life we still have yet to live.  And I proudly wear high heels not only for myself but for my husband and daughter who love and support me day in and day out.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.