Your Body Is Perfectly Precious

For me, my weight has always been a touchy subject.  Unfortunately, it is hard for me to wrap my head around the unhealthy relationship that I have had with my physical appearance over the years.  And my mental health has been affected by this.  Yet, I know deep in my soul that I am perfectly precious in every way.  


Today, I sat on the couch for an hour scrolling through social media posts on my phone, trying desperately to get my mind off of how hungry I felt.  All I could hear were their words in my mind.  The resounding, "Did you gain weight?  Did she gain weight?  Someone tell me because she looks like she gained weight" going through my brain on repeat.


I am 5'5" and currently weigh exactly 114.8lbs as of 8:35am this morning.  My highest post-adolescent weight was 185lbs during the spring of 2020.  My lowest weight was 105lbs after contracting COVID during the winter of 2023.


When I was a child, I had an elderly family member who never hugged me around my waist and back.  Instead, her hands always stopped at my hips so that she could take note, to my face, of my weight gain.  I would immediately get a comment about my outfit to remind me that my weight was being monitored.  

I have spent my entire life battling eating disorders.  In college, I went exactly 30 days drinking only water and eating exactly 3 mints per day.  I lost a lot of weight during that month but on day 31, I resorted to doughnuts and immediately gained the weight back again.  I recall one time post-college I had lost 20lbs in 3 months and was finally able to look at myself in the mirror again.  My partner said, "Is this it?  Is the battle over?  Are you finally happy with your weight?  Can you stop obsessing about it now?"  Then we got pregnant and my weight changed again.  

One of the hardest times for me is between Thanksgiving and Christmas where I know I will see the same family members twice within a short few weeks time period.  If my weight was not acceptable at Thanksgiving, I knew I had approximately 4 weeks to make it right before I saw everyone again.  The second hardest time for me is the summer.  Bathing suits have always been my enemy.  

 
Friends, the ugly cycle stops with me and it ends now.  I have a child who I refuse to allow to grow up the same way I did.  I am determined for my daughter to learn a healthy relationship with food.  And she will know that no matter what, she is beautifully perfect in my eyes.  

Today, I made a positive choice to eat while I typed this blog, contrary to the pit of shame that I feel on the inside of my stomach.  And I chose to write the words to this post not only for myself but for others who also struggle with an eating disorder.  I hope you will join me by putting on your special shoes that make you feel beautiful both inside and out.  And when you look at yourself in the mirror, may you see how perfectly precious you are in your own mind's eye.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.