"Constructive" Criticism

When you feel someone is criticizing you, I hope you will remember that you are a diamond and no one can break you.  

If there’s one thing I have learned about myself, it is that I do not like to be criticized.  People like to call it “constructive criticism”.  To me, this means being critiqued by someone who does or does not like the way you did a certain task.  However in my experience, it is rarely constructive and more nitpicking everything I did not do.

For me, I am not scared nor do I fear confrontation.  In fact, I love conversing with people and being heard.  I have a deep appreciation for a collaborative discussion in a space that is safely created by individuals who care about the opinions of one another.  However, this is not always the case and when the discussion is a part of certain environments, there can be negative connotations. 


When I was working, I rarely felt concerned when I had an upcoming meeting with an encouraging supervisor.  This is because I was confident the discussion would go smoothly.  And even if I had done something wrong, it would be a safe place to discuss next steps to rectifying the situation.  However, I have had two supervisors who were not nearly as kind in their words.  And they always criticized all the hard work I was doing in a negative way.  And no matter how hard I tried, my work was never up to their standards to receive a compliment.

On the other hand, I have an "online closet" where I sell clothes, shoes and jewelry.  And, as the seller, I get reviewed by buyers.  The highest rating is 5 stars and I always aim for this with each sale.  While I know I did my very best to make sure the sale was perfect, I still feel uneasy waiting to be rated.  This is because the buyer has the ability to provide feedback as to why they chose to not give you 5 stars.  And waiting for a review and the potential criticism makes me extremely uncomfortable.


Are you open to receiving constructive criticism?  Perhaps I avoid it because I truly never know if it is going to be “constructive”.  It gives me anxiety when I am not clear if I will be negatively affected by my hard work (whether in an office setting or online).  Or rather, if I’ll learn something from it and be more well-equipped to make a positive change.  Personally, I would rather wear high heels and have a collaborative conversation with someone who cares about me.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

She Is A Miracle

Our daughter is our miracle child.  Let me tell you about our journey bringing her into this world.

   
This is the conversation "I" had with myself:
I told myself I did not want children.  I told myself I could not bear a child in my own body.  I told myself I was too mentally ill to be stable enough to be a mom.  I told myself that I could be the sole reason why my mental illness was passed onto my child and I felt that was not fair to the baby. 

This is the conversation "they" had with me:

They told me I had to stop all my medications while I was pregnant.  I carried out my entire pregnancy without any mental health medication intervention.  The moment I gave birth, I was back on all my bipolar disorder medicines.  

They told me I could not breastfeed my baby.  They told me that the medications could transfer in the bloodstream to my baby through the breast milk and she could have seizures.  We bottle fed our daughter.  And to this day, watching another mother breastfeed her baby makes every part of my heart ache since I could not do that for my own daughter.  

They told us to keep a close eye on our child.  This is because we were told that bipolar disorder can be passed on through genetics.  We will monitor our daughter closely throughout her life, making her aware of mental illnesses and keeping an eye out for any "red flags" that we may see in her.  

This is the conversation that "we" had together:

We took drastic measures to make sure that we did not bring a second child into this world.  This was not done because we wanted our child to be without siblings, but instead for the health and wellbeing of myself as a woman and a mom.  This decision was for the stability of our entire family.  

We leaned into family and friends to help us raise our daughter.  We made sure that she was close to her grandparents, and they have helped us raise her.  We created a community of people who shower love onto our child as she grows up.  We continue to surround our child with close friends and family so she always feels supported.  

This is the conclusion I made based on all of the above:

My daughter wears pretty shoes to special occasions and now that she is old enough, she sometimes wears little heels.  As time goes on, I will continue to share my mental health story with her.  And she will always know that she is a miracle.  Because if my husband and I had listened to all the negative comments, her existence would not have been made possible.  And truthfully, we have defied the odds by having our little miracle and we would not want it any other way.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

When Sobriety Becomes A Necessity

Truth be told, I struggle with my relationship with alcohol.  I like the flavor and I enjoy the feeling of a buzz, but I realized that I have little control over the next steps.  I know I should stop drinking after I consume 1 or maybe 2 drinks.  Yet, I also know that once I begin, my will power to stop is limited.


The last time I drank, I did not realize the percentage of alcohol by volume until after the second drink.  And by the time I read the label, I knew it was too late.  I proceeded to let the alcohol take its course, turning me into an angry unhealthy version of myself.  The following day I knew I had to make a change and it started with ending my relationship with alcoholic beverages.

Having bipolar disorder means I am on high doses of mental health medications.  The warning labels all come equipped with “do not drink alcohol with this medicine”.  I read the labels, take note of the side effects and think, “it is only 1 drink so it will be okay”.  But when 1 drink leads to the next, I have to self-reflect on the desire to drink versus my unpleasant disposition that comes with that decision.


I made a choice to take some heavy-hearted steps towards gaining control over my desire to drink adult beverages.  I am surrounding myself with friends who also have a desire to stop drinking.  And I have found peace in knowing that this is in my best interest.


It feels daunting to think that I wish to never take a sip of an alcoholic beverage ever again.  However, I also know that I have an unending desire to change my future and so for now, I am taking one day at a time.  I am currently focusing on drinking water, lemonade, iced tea or soda.  And of course I love coffee so there’s that non-alcoholic drink of choice too!

I love who I am so I continue to wear my high heels all the time.  This is because I am still "me" as I work through my wellness journey.  And I am thankful for the support I have from friends and family through this time in my life.  

I ask you a simple question:  What will tomorrow bring for you and what changes will you make in order to learn from your past and make a conscious decision to have a different future?  For me, I am ready for a brighter sober future, and maybe for you it is something else.  But either way, I am cheering you on with love and respect.  Just remember to take one day, and sometimes one minute, at a time.

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Celebrate The Small Wins

As a person who struggles with a mental illness, I get overwhelmed easily.  I have to compartmentalize my thoughts so that I do not merge ideas and feelings together that do not belong alongside each other.  I try my best to think about one small task at a time because the larger-scale ideas are overwhelming.

When my world feels tough, like right now in this season of my life, I think through small tasks that are more simplistic and less daunting.  I break down the big ideas into bite-size pieces and process only that which I can handle in each moment.  For me, I sometimes take life one moment at a time when one minute, hour or day feels like too much for me to handle.


To me, it is important to celebrate every single small “win”.  Sometimes, the small wins are simply getting out of bed, taking a shower and making sure my daughter gets to school on time.  Other times, small wins include going for a half hour walk outside or walking on my treadmill.  And yet there are other times when small wins include making dinner for my family and doing a puzzle or playing an evening game together.  


Someday I will be ready to celebrate the big wins.  But for now, I put on my high heels, and I celebrate every single small win.  Because to me, all the small wins get me through each day and that alone is a big win.

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.