She Is A Miracle

Our daughter is our miracle child.  Let me tell you about our journey bringing her into this world.

   
This is the conversation "I" had with myself:
I told myself I did not want children.  I told myself I could not bear a child in my own body.  I told myself I was too mentally ill to be stable enough to be a mom.  I told myself that I could be the sole reason why my mental illness was passed onto my child and I felt that was not fair to the baby. 

This is the conversation "they" had with me:

They told me I had to stop all my medications while I was pregnant.  I carried out my entire pregnancy without any mental health medication intervention.  The moment I gave birth, I was back on all my bipolar disorder medicines.  

They told me I could not breastfeed my baby.  They told me that the medications could transfer in the bloodstream to my baby through the breast milk and she could have seizures.  We bottle fed our daughter.  And to this day, watching another mother breastfeed her baby makes every part of my heart ache since I could not do that for my own daughter.  

They told us to keep a close eye on our child.  This is because we were told that bipolar disorder can be passed on through genetics.  We will monitor our daughter closely throughout her life, making her aware of mental illnesses and keeping an eye out for any "red flags" that we may see in her.  

This is the conversation that "we" had together:

We took drastic measures to make sure that we did not bring a second child into this world.  This was not done because we wanted our child to be without siblings, but instead for the health and wellbeing of myself as a woman and a mom.  This decision was for the stability of our entire family.  

We leaned into family and friends to help us raise our daughter.  We made sure that she was close to her grandparents, and they have helped us raise her.  We created a community of people who shower love onto our child as she grows up.  We continue to surround our child with close friends and family so she always feels supported.  

This is the conclusion I made based on all of the above:

My daughter wears pretty shoes to special occasions and now that she is old enough, she sometimes wears little heels.  As time goes on, I will continue to share my mental health story with her.  And she will always know that she is a miracle.  Because if my husband and I had listened to all the negative comments, her existence would not have been made possible.  And truthfully, we have defied the odds by having our little miracle and we would not want it any other way.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.