In the wild, mama bears fiercely protect their babies. For me, the “mama bear” in me comes out when someone is being rude to my child. And the mama bear in me is fierce, too.
When my daughter went into 2nd grade, a little girl started to bully her. My daughter came home crying or angry every day when I picked her up from school. I knew she was not okay as she explained that a little girl at school was constantly picking on her and would not leave her alone.
We were called into school for a meeting with her teacher to review “my daughter’s behavior”. MY daughter’s behavior? What had MY daughter done wrong amongst the chaos of these circumstances? The day of the parent/teacher meeting, I put on dress slacks, a blouse, a suit coat and red “power pump” high heel shoes. I was physically and emotionally prepared for the mama bear to come out in this meeting.
When we arrived at the school, the teacher began to explain the dynamic between the two girls. She clearly stated the bully’s jealousy for my daughter’s high grades and her bully’s educational decline. When her teacher said my daughter should “react differently” to this other girls taunting, I sat there quietly confused. Finally, the teacher was done talking and I was able to chime into the conversation that was, up to that point, very one-sided.
To explain our desire to support our daughter through this situation, I told her teacher that at home we worked on “roll play”. For example, I pretend to be the mean girl and poke my daughter with a pencil. My husband talks through how my daughter could react. For instance, she could ignore the poking, raise her hand and tell the teacher, have a sip of water and take a deep breath. And while this was seemingly helping my daughter’s reaction to the little girl, it was not solving the big picture of this other child’s attitude towards my daughter.
As the mama bear in me continued to come out, I explained that the girl was punching and pushing my daughter on the playground while she was playing with her friends. And in the classroom, she was getting poked with a pencil and yelled at by this little girl when my daughter answered a question correctly.
I went on the ask a simple get poignant question. Where do the girls sit and how close are their desks in proximity to one another? The teacher slowly walked over to point out that the girls desks sat back to back. I looked at the teacher and said, “instead of taking this hour to talk to us about how our daughter is reacting to a bully, why didn’t you take this time to change your classroom setup and move the girls desks away from one another?” The teacher was clearly not pleased with my mama bear problem-solving skills and said “it’s just too much effort and would take too much time for me to move my whole classroom around to accommodate these two girls”. In turn, I explained that our next step was to speak with the administration and have our daughter moved to a different classroom.
By the following Monday, the girls desks were moved across the classroom from one another. The playground teachers were notified and on high alert to keep the bully away from my daughter. And while still clearly distressed, my daughter started coming home with a new sense of calm about her.
"Mama bear" came out loud and clear that day in my daughter’s classroom. My power pumps gave me confidence to speak up for my daughter and handle the unfortunate situation that had been presented to us. And I felt proud for sticking up for my daughter who needed a voice beyond her own to handle a girl who was being mean to her.
Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.
When my daughter went into 2nd grade, a little girl started to bully her. My daughter came home crying or angry every day when I picked her up from school. I knew she was not okay as she explained that a little girl at school was constantly picking on her and would not leave her alone.
We were called into school for a meeting with her teacher to review “my daughter’s behavior”. MY daughter’s behavior? What had MY daughter done wrong amongst the chaos of these circumstances? The day of the parent/teacher meeting, I put on dress slacks, a blouse, a suit coat and red “power pump” high heel shoes. I was physically and emotionally prepared for the mama bear to come out in this meeting.
When we arrived at the school, the teacher began to explain the dynamic between the two girls. She clearly stated the bully’s jealousy for my daughter’s high grades and her bully’s educational decline. When her teacher said my daughter should “react differently” to this other girls taunting, I sat there quietly confused. Finally, the teacher was done talking and I was able to chime into the conversation that was, up to that point, very one-sided.
To explain our desire to support our daughter through this situation, I told her teacher that at home we worked on “roll play”. For example, I pretend to be the mean girl and poke my daughter with a pencil. My husband talks through how my daughter could react. For instance, she could ignore the poking, raise her hand and tell the teacher, have a sip of water and take a deep breath. And while this was seemingly helping my daughter’s reaction to the little girl, it was not solving the big picture of this other child’s attitude towards my daughter.
As the mama bear in me continued to come out, I explained that the girl was punching and pushing my daughter on the playground while she was playing with her friends. And in the classroom, she was getting poked with a pencil and yelled at by this little girl when my daughter answered a question correctly.
I went on the ask a simple get poignant question. Where do the girls sit and how close are their desks in proximity to one another? The teacher slowly walked over to point out that the girls desks sat back to back. I looked at the teacher and said, “instead of taking this hour to talk to us about how our daughter is reacting to a bully, why didn’t you take this time to change your classroom setup and move the girls desks away from one another?” The teacher was clearly not pleased with my mama bear problem-solving skills and said “it’s just too much effort and would take too much time for me to move my whole classroom around to accommodate these two girls”. In turn, I explained that our next step was to speak with the administration and have our daughter moved to a different classroom.
By the following Monday, the girls desks were moved across the classroom from one another. The playground teachers were notified and on high alert to keep the bully away from my daughter. And while still clearly distressed, my daughter started coming home with a new sense of calm about her.
"Mama bear" came out loud and clear that day in my daughter’s classroom. My power pumps gave me confidence to speak up for my daughter and handle the unfortunate situation that had been presented to us. And I felt proud for sticking up for my daughter who needed a voice beyond her own to handle a girl who was being mean to her.
Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.
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