Don't Ask Permission To Fly

 

I have discovered more recently than not, I am paranoid about other people's perceptions of my intentions.  When I make a decision, it always feels like I have to justify my reasoning.  Day to day, it is very hard to process these feelings.  Due to my mental health and negative self-talk, I lack confidence, self esteem, and self-awareness.  My brain tells me that I should not make a simple choice.  Instead, it tells me to question my thoughts and motives.  


I usually feel compelled to explain to others the purpose behind my positive intentions.  Yet, I get mad at myself for letting my brain talk me in and out of a circle of justification for a simple decision in a given situation.  Is it helpful to have an explanation?  Sure.  But is it necessary to give a detailed analysis of my mental processes?  No, not always.  Therefore, I have to regularly remind myself that I do not need to explain my rationale that supports my choices.  My intentions are always pure and my reasons are genuine, real, and important.  


Recently, my friend told me that I should be more confident and less concerned with the opinions of others.  She said that my thoughts are relative to what I assume other people might be thinking.  So she gave me an analogy to put this into perspective:  

"If we were all birds, we would not ask permission to fly.  Instead, we would simply use our wings.  We would know full well that the sky belonged to no one in particular.  So therefore, we could just simply fly".  

This was a powerful reminder that I do not have to ask any other bird for permission to fly.  My wings belong to me and the sky is open to all of us when we are ready to take flight.  So, I will use my wings without feeling compelled to ask anyone else their thoughts on how, when and where I am flying.  

I know that this little bird is a work-in-progress.  It will take time for me to grow confident in myself, and even more time to be less worried about how others perceive me.  But, I am grateful for the sky that opens its beauty for all of us to take flight.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it. 

Healthy Boundaries

It has taken me a very long time to realize how important it is to set healthy boundaries.  Moreover, I have learned that I do not owe the other person an explanation of the boundaries which I have chosen to set in place.  And finally, implementing my decision to set boundaries has lifted multiple layers of unhealthy feelings that I have kept deep inside.  

I recently read a short story where a wise fox said to a little bird:  

"Observe, don't absorb.  Because a person's behavior is a mirror of their inner world.  It's about them, not you.  Protect your inner environment like sacred ground.  Observe the behavior.  Learn from it.  But don't absorb it."  

The fox reminded me that I do not need permission to protect my inner self from the environment of another person.  Pursuing a life with healthy boundaries means that I choose to observe the behavior of someone.  However, I do not have to absorb their thoughts and actions.  Because boundaries are for me, not for them.  

The hard truth is that the less I distance myself from an unhealthy relationship, the more absorbed I am into their world.  This leads me to care deeply about their feelings as it relates to me trying to set a boundary.  Yet, this poses a problem because I now feel obligated to care about the other person rather than genuinely loving them.  This makes me feel resentful towards them and unhappy with myself.  

Saying "no" or walking away creates a barrier towards other people in order to protect my mind, body and soul.  It allows me to stop being constantly available to others and be more present for myself.  It helps me be more fulfilled on a deeper level.  I find inner peace and less outer turmoil.  

In order to support a healthier version of myself, I have learned to look inward at the desires of my heart.  And the most genuine version of me, unapologetically sets healthy boundaries with others who try to steal my happiness.  Therefore, I refuse to let a negative person access my positive energy.

Vishakha Jain wrote:

They say, "She changed."  Well... yeah.  She stopped saying yes when she meant no.  Stopped shrinking just to be liked.  Stopped fixing what she didn't break.  She's softer now-but with boundaries.  Kinder- but unavailable to drama.  She didn't change.  She woke up.   

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.