A Horrible Week

 

We could beat around the bush and say that it has been a decent week or an okay week.  We could brush it off and chalk it up to the weather being 55 degrees in the middle of the winter.  Or we can call it what it was and call it "horrible". 

I have had a migraine all week.  I have been totally stressed out at work.  I am completely exhausted and not sleeping and when I do sleep I am not sleeping well at all.  And my daughter loves her father more than she loves me.  How do I know this you may ask?  Because this week, she told me she did. 

When I tell you that every single day this week I laid in bed thinking of different ways to end my life, I am not lying to you.  That is how seriously scary this week has been for me.  But I am not telling you that for you to throw me into the hospital.  I am tell you that to show you my strength.  Because I am still here to talk about it and I got through the…hopefully…worst of it.  It is Friday, is it not? 

I went to counseling this week and he said, “celebrate the little things in life”.  Which at the time seemed annoying to me and I wanted to punch my counselor in the face.  How could you tell me to celebrate when I feel so lousy? 

But honestly how can you not celebrate your life when we are at rock bottom but you chose to get up every day.  You chose to take your medications and take them on time.  You chose to snuggle with the cat instead of making that alcoholic beverage.  And you chose to put your high heels on when all you want to do is turn off your alarm and throw the blankets over your head.  

So, my friends, another week is over and I am still here to talk about it.  Some of my major projects are coming to a close and that helps the stress.  My migraine medications have finally arrived at the pharmacy (it only took 4 days) so I can get some relief tonight.  And even though my daughter loves her daddy more than she loves me, I will take it with a grain of salt because I know she plays favorites. 

Every time I see that little twinkle in my daughters eye, I am reminded of how blessed I am.  Blessings mean nothing unless you can see them and feel them and understand them and know them in your heart.  And when things get dark, you do not see the light on the path.  But being that I am living proof of it, I will tell you, that if you put your high heels on every day, one day at a time, maybe just maybe the light will start trickling in again. 

 

 Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.