A Warrior Through Manic Episodes

Bipolar disorder can be unpredictably scary because there are two sides to the illness:  depression and mania.  My brain is more likely to resort to depression so I spend more time explaining this part of the illness.  However, I have experienced multiple manic episodes and I will use this platform to share two of my experiences with you.  

 
My first manic episode that I vividly recall was in 2012.  I went to a car dealership to buy a Fiat with no money.  I test drove the car all day and I remember calling to tell my husband, "Good news!  All the groceries fit in the back of the car even though its a small car!"  He responded, "Stacy, what car?  We did not discuss buying a new car!"  My husband made me promise to not buy anything until he arrived at the dealership.  I then recall him handing the keys of the Fiat to the sales person and apologizing to him for the inconvenience.  I cried all the way home not understanding what I had done and why I had done it.  When we arrived home, my husband put me to bed and I woke up in the morning feeling very depressed and confused.  I did not understand why I would attempt to buy a car on a whim, with no financial backing and without the support of my husband.  

My next manic episode was about a year later.  My husband had a debilitating migraine and I took him to the Emergency Department for an evaluation and medication.  We were up all night and when we got home the following morning, he went right to bed.  With no sleep and no desire to rest, I took it upon myself to pierce my own ear.  When my husband woke up from his nap, he shrieked because I had multiple safety pins coming out of my one ear.  I recall him asking what happened and why I would do this to myself and I remember responding, "It is okay.  I disinfected the needles".  He helped take out the safety pins one by one, got me a snack, and put me to bed for the remainder of the day.  I woke up very confused and my ear was throbbing.   

Manic episodes can be very confusing and scary.  They have had me crying, talking so quickly that no one could understand me and coming up with ideas that seem brilliant but yet make no common sense.  For me, I know to avoid strong caffeine, to consult my husband before making large purchases, and that I need a lot of sleep to take care of my mental health.  My brain needs to be well-balanced, well-rested, and my medications need to be taken regularly in order for my brain to function properly.  

And finally, when in doubt, I remember that I am a warrior who has overcome many obstacles.  I have felt at times like I might not make it through the storm yet I have always proved myself wrong.  I have always believed that, with my high heels on, I am more powerful than I think.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.