My Healing Journey Because I Refuse To Quit

 

Healing, I have decided, is a journey.  It is not a race.  Rather, it is baby steps in order to get from one moment to the next.  And these moments add up to a successful path towards mending my broken soul.  

When I see my grandmother, she welcomes me with a big hug.  At which point in time, she pulls back and looks me in the eyes.  She questions, "How are you doing?"  And I quietly answer, "I am fine".  She continues, "I know you are fine.  But tell me how you are really doing".  I state, "Grandma, I am struggling but I am trying desperately to heal".  After another hug, she looks at me again and goes, "You are an important woman.  We need you.  Take care of yourself".


Grandma's way of finding out how I am really feeling is beyond the superficial.  It digs deep into my heart and reminds me that I can be honest with her.  She loves me unconditionally and does not judge where I am in my life.  Instead, she encourages me to keep going beyond my momentary struggles, and look at the greater picture of taking care of myself.


Right now, healing to me is simply one moment at a time.  And when my brain tells me negative thoughts, I think about them for a moment without dwelling them.  Instead, I have found simple ways of healing as I refuse to quit during this long road to recovery.  


Recently, I have grown fond of doing puzzles.  I like to focus on the shapes and colors as I slowly and gradually put together each piece.  Finding its rightful place in the 750 or 1,000 piece puzzle helps me see the bigger picture.  And the end result of finishing it is very satisfying.  


I make time to rest and take naps.  Some days, I feel strong enough to walk around my neighborhood for about 15-20 minutes.  I also like to read books.  Sometimes, I have to re-read paragraphs in order to process the words on the page to make sense of the story.  However, these are all small steps in my journey towards recovery.  


And once in a while, I take a deep breath and I slide my feet into my high heel shoes.  Even if I am simply going to the grocery store, I feel a sense of comfort and confidence in my heels.  Before getting into the car, I look up at the sky, and I take in a deep breath of fresh air.  And with each step, I will continue to move forward.  This reminds me that I am growing stronger each day and that I refuse to quit as I continue my journey of healing.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.