It is not easy to have a mental illness when the bipolar and anxiety tell me to self-isolate. Maybe that is called self-preservation. Yet, talking about this makes me feel like I am losing a battle to my brain. I also know that sometimes it is okay to not be okay. And it is important to find a safe space to be alone.
When my brain tells me to be alone, I always try to make sure I am with one "safe" person. I might be in my bedroom by myself, but I am not in my home alone. There is a loved one in the house with me even if they are not in the same room as me. If I absolutely have to be alone, I have a "favorites" list of people on my phone who are close family and friends that I can immediately call if I am starting to feel less-than-okay.
When I am ready to go out of the house, I find myself trying to find safe places and joyful people to be around. I might go to lunch with my family, or meet my best friend at the library. These are my people. They love me for who I am, and they surround me with their unconditional support.
During times of despair, being alone feels sad and dark. But when I am not okay, most of the time I find solace in my bed, and I take a nap. This provides the extra sleep that my mind and body need in order to heal.
A few days ago, I was in bed all morning while my husband worked from home. I dragged myself out of bed to walk my dog around the block. I thought, why not put on a pair of 2 inch heels to walk the dog? I did this to remind myself that my morning was rough, but my evening was going to be better. When I got home, ironically I had the biggest blister on my pinky toe! Welp, I tried. And sometimes, we still get blisters in our special shoes even with the best of intentions.
Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.
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