Be You Bravely

How do you chose to share with others your authentic self?  Are you real with yourself and do you share who you are with others?  As I snuggle up with my favorite blanket, I ponder these questions.  And I feel like it's meaningful to recognize their importance in our lives.  

Many years ago, I bought a pillow and it simply yet powerfully, begs the words, "Be You Bravely".  Every time I look at the pillow I think about who I am as a person, and how I feel internally about the woman that I have become.  I look back on my life and reminisce about all that I have been through, and I look forward to my journey ahead.  

For as long as I can remember, I have always been career-driven because I began working as a young child.  I grew up in a family business and worked hard for every penny in my bank account.  When my friends went to the beach for "Senior Week" after we graduated high school, I went to work in a bank.  I missed the "fun" at the beach because to me, fun meant establishing a career for myself.  I worked every summer through college and I worked 3 jobs to put myself through graduate school while maintaining a 4.0 GPA. 

When I lost my job in December 2022, I struggled with the "loss" of my professional self.  I clawed through the feelings of despair, trying very hard to figure out who am I if not for my career.  I had endless conversations with my bestie about how to accept the fact that my authentic self was no longer the working woman professional that I had grown to become.  

It has offered my heart so much peace to remember who I am in this world beyond my career.  Not working has given me the opportunity to heal mentally and physically.  It has provided the space I need to grow through the pain and find a new meaning through writing.  It has offered me the ability to spend more time with our daughter and less time commuting.  And I reflect on the other parts of my authentic self including, yet not limited to, a woman, a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend, a blogger and oh so much more.  

Right now, I do not wear my high heel shoes to work.  Instead, I wear them every time I leave the house.  They hold a new meaning for me as I walk through the challenges life has thrown my direction.  

My hope for you is that you are able to find people in your life that love you for who you are.  And that these people will grow with you into the person you will become.  I want to end this blog with a poem that I recently read:

GROWING THROUGH IT

I hope you are learning to give yourself the credit you deserve.  I hope you are beginning to recognize just how strong you are for pulling yourself through each and every difficult time in your life.  I hope you allow this realization to walk with you, alongside any obstacles or roadblocks you might encounter along your journey.  I hope you know just how capable you are and that no matter how challenging a situation may seem, you have the courage to keep moving, to keep growing, and to keep healing.  I hope you can look in the mirror and say, 'I'm proud of you' and really mean it.  And above all, I hope you realize just how incredible you are, and just how much you deserve your own love.

Written by Charlotte Freeman

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Dusting Off My High Heels

I recently wrote about contracting COVID and how it affected my mental and physical health.  I wanted to take a few moments to honor my physical health and share some of last year's journey with you.  Will you read along while I share my trial and tribulations?

As I slipped my feet into my high heel boots last night, every part of my soul was filled with joy.  It has been so long since I last wore heels yet it broke my heart to wear flats.  And for over a year, I had to wear flat shoes and put my high heels away in storage.  

After I contracted COVID (Dec 2022), I was diagnosed with Thoracic Outlet Syndrome (TOS).  Since the virus attacked my central nervous system, it took a toll on my neck, left shoulder and arm.  I lost mostly all ability to use my left arm.  Humbly, I share with you that I used plastic silverware because anything else was too heavy.  I could not drive, I could not hold a book, I could only hold my cell phone for moments at a time.  And because of all this (and much more), I lost my job.  

We went from doctor to doctor for months trying everything we could to get answers.  I had injections into my neck and I was on massive amounts of painkillers.  Yet nothing worked and more importantly nothing helped the stabbing, jabbing, tingling and numbness in my arm and fingers.  As a last resort, we went to a neurosurgeon.  I was told they could operate on my neck, taking out disks and inserting new ones to hopefully ease the pain.  Yet at my age, none of this settled well and my husband insisted on a second opinion.  

By the summer of 2023, we saw a neurosurgeon at Johns Hopkins Medicine who immediately told us I was not a candidate for neck surgery and referred us to his colleague.  This new doctor specialized in TOS and after a muscle block and MRI, I was formally diagnosed.  I underwent major surgery removing an extra rib in my neck, part of the first rib, a muscle in my neck, and loads of scar tissue around my brachial plexus (the hub of the branch of nerves that send signals down your arm).  

Since September, recovery from surgery has been underway.  Nerves can take upwards of 6 months to 1 year to heal so the process has been long, slow and gradual.  Yet is has been filled with hope and peace knowing that healing is taking place within my body.  

As I continues to heal (mentally and physically), I proudly dusted off my high heels.  I have been wearing them for the last week every time I step foot out of my house.  Truth be told, I may have to have another surgery for my arm.  And my mental health is still struggling through all the turmoil.  But, in the meantime, I wear my heels to symbolize growth, strength and courage.  I offer this to you:  will you put on your high heels today, step one foot in front of another and smile in the mirror?  Because I know you are filled with hope too.  Because this is not the end but just the beginning.  

"Breaking down doesn't mean I'm broken. Losing hope doesn't mean I'm hopeless.  And maybe all I need is time.  It never happens overnight."  -Healing by Fletcher, the song

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Are You Really Just Okay?

Do you ever have profound moments when someone makes a statement and those words stay with you for the rest of your life?  This happens to me as well and today I will share with you one such conversation that changed my perspective on answering simple questions.  

When I was in high school (many moons ago), I had a conversation with my girlfriend and it went something like this:

Friend: "Hi Stacy!  How are you doing today?"

Me: "Hi! I am fine!  How are you?"

Friend:  "Stacy, why does everyone answer that question with 'fine', 'good', 'okay', 'alright'?  And what if instead, we were just real with one another and answered the questions with genuine facts?"  

Me:  "I think its easier to give a one-word answer.  But lets try to be more real with one another going forward.  Lets answer the question with more details."

Friend:  "Okay, so how are you doing today?"

Me:  "I had a rough morning because I missed my alarm and woke up late so I had to rush.  How about you?"

Friend:  "My mom yelled at me so my morning got off to a bad start."

We hugged and went about our day.  

That simple yet profound conversation has stuck with me over the years.  It shines light on simple answers and begs the question "why"?  Or maybe it translates to "no wait, I want more information".  So, I try to be real with the people I love the most and give more details.  

I have come to realize that its important to share with others how we are doing.  Because if we lean into one-word answers, we close the opportunity to share with someone, be there for someone, or have someone love on us the way in which we may need love in that moment.  

Since I have taken it upon myself to give more honest answers, it has also supported my mental healthcare journey.  I know that when I am more open, I am able to get more support.  For example a simple text message conversation with my mother about how I am doing could be "I am fine.  The end".  But rather, I love my mom dearly and she knows me very well.  So with her I answer her questions with more data.  For example, "I am okay today.  I had a rough morning so I took a nap.  I just had a cup of coffee and now I am good".  This allows my mom to be present with me and support me, "Stacy, I am glad you took care of yourself and rested.  I am also glad you are in a better mental state now".  

The flip side to this that my mom, husband and close friends now know when I am, in fact, not okay too.  Because if given a one-word answer they know immediately that I am not in a good head space, that I am not okay or that I do not want to share what is really going on in my world.  And for those who know me and love me, they add support to my one-word answers.  For example, "Mom, I am fine" leads to "Stacy I am here for you if you need me".  Therefore, I have set up a genuine support system for myself.  

So today, I ask you:  How will you answer the questions said or texted to you?  Are you really fine?  Are you just okay?  Or is it a platform for love, genuine support and meaningful conversations?  I for one, know that I love you and I am in life with you.  Advice?  Find the people in your world that you can be real with.  Hold onto those people and lean into them.  And maybe the support system seeds that you planted will grow into flowers of love.  

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.