You Get To Decide

You get to decide.

You are not your pain. You are not your mistakes. You are not your childhood, your heartbreaks, or the people who couldn't love you right. You are what you chose to do with all of it.

Every habit you've picked up, every fear you carry, every wall you've built, it all came from somewhere. And while it makes sense that you learned to protect yourself the way you did, it's also okay to unlearn. To question. To shift. To grow. You're allowed to rewrite the story.

Just because life handed you broken pieces doesn't mean you can't build a masterpiece. So take your pain. Take your lessons. Take all the messy, raw, unfiltered parts of your journey, and turn them into power. Into wisdom. Into purpose.

The past shaped you. But you define you. Your story isn't over. You're just getting started.

-Written by 3am thoughts

My friend recently shared this writing with me.  I felt it in my soul that so many of the words and phrases resonated with my life.  The meaning behind the written word has so much depth, and added a level of clarity to my past and my present.  And it positively affects where I am going in the future.  


It is amazing to me how much I have learned from my past.  It is the opportunity for me to reflect on what I did, and where I was at different stages of my life.  Yet, while I know I can look back, I am also aware that remaining stagnant in the past can be unhealthy.  

As I honor where I came from, I use this to mold where I am going.  I can pick up the broken pieces and choose to make them into something beautiful.  This will support everything that the future holds for me.  It is so important to look ahead at what can be so precious as it unfolds in different ways.  

I fear being stuck in the situations of my past.  And, at the same time, I want to find a balance where I chose to not look too far ahead to where I am going in the future.  And today, as I slipped my feet into my high heeled shoes, I remember all that I am and the woman I will look forward to becoming.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it. 

Stronger Than You Think

It was a Monday at 2:30pm.  I woke up with a migraine and it refused to go away.  My head was pounding and my heart was distraught.  By 2:31pm, I finally pulled myself out of bed.  And by 2:32pm, I got myself to the sink to brush my teeth and wash my face.  2:33pm brought an onset of tears that just wouldn't stop.


I have had chronic migraines since 2018, when I started a job with great levels of executive visibility and management scrutiny.  All my work was watched, reviewed and processed with a fine-tooth comb.  And with every project, a new headache would appear.  The pressure was immense and the internal workings of my brain suffered greatly.  The migraines have not subsided since that time in my life.  

I still suffer from migraines.  I average 1 migraine per week and they last anywhere from 4 hours to 3 days.  They start behind my eyes, work their way up my face and into the top of my brain, down the back of my head and into my shoulders.  I have multiple levels of neurologic medications and support for this chronic illness, yet they still show their ugly face.  

7 years of migraines is exhausting and this past Monday, I had enough of it all.  I felt weak, exhausted, in pain.  And I was desperate for health and healing.  I wanted to scream to the world yet all I could do was cry.  So that is what I did.  

Recently a friend asked me, "what is your trigger for your migraines?"  When I worked in 2018, my trigger was stress.  But right now, I am not working, so there is no reason for me to be stressed out.  Therefore, how could I possibly be suffering from migraines?  Wrong.  To be clear, whether you work or not, you can still feel multiple levels of stress.

My family is going through a huge transitional time in our lives.  And I have a court date coming up for my long-term need to be on disability.  Going to court is scary and telling my story to a judge who gets to determine my financial future is terrifying.  I have 5 doctors who, due to my mental and physical health, feel as though I am not well enough to work.  Yet, the financial disability support system has deemed me eligible to work.  Therefore, I am going to court to plead my case.  


With my head still snuggled into my towel and the tears still flowing, I said to myself, "Stop.  That is enough.  Wipe your tears.  We have a day to finish."  At 2:35pm, my face was dry and I was staring at my clock.  It was time to get changed, have a cup of coffee and push through yet another migraine.  But this time, it was different because even though it was hard, I knew I was stronger than I gave myself credit for.  


Maybe you will go through minutes that are very tough.  And sometimes it feels like it will never end and the pain will never stop.  But I remain hopeful that even through the tears, there is light in resilience.  There is strength beyond the pain.  And there is perseverance through the struggle.  And maybe, we are all stronger than we think.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it. 

If You're Happy And You Know It!

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! If you're happy and you know it and your face will surely show it, if you're happy and you know it clap your hands!"

I have had that kids song stuck in my head all day today.  It has been going around and around in circles on repeat since I dropped my daughter off at school this morning.  Not because we were singing the song together, but because of the topic of our conversation.  

We rarely get to school early, but today was one of those special days.  We both woke up on time, got ready speedy quick and hopped into the car.  I was able to take my time and drive my daughter to school in a timely fashion.  And we got there before the bell rang so we sat in the car in the drop-off line with the other parents.  

As we waited, a car pulled up behind me and beeped its horn.  I looked in front of me and saw numerous other cars.  I looked to my left and saw the school building.  I looked to my right and saw all the kids who walk to school.  And finally, I took a deep breath and looked around behind me.  

The man in the car behind me was flailing his arms up and down.  Then he motioned for me to drive forward by waving his arms in an onward direction.  So I turned back around and said out loud in an angry voice, "WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO GO?!"  My calm little angel in the back seat responded, "Mommy, why did he make you so mad?"  

As we continued to sit in the car and wait for the bell to sound for school to start, I pondered my current situation.  Part of me wanted to get out of the car and chat with the man behind me.  I would say, "Hello sir!  Clearly there is no where I can go, so I am not sure why you beeped your horn at me in a school parking lot!  Have a good day!"  But instead of initiating a conversation outside the car, I decided to turn this into a learning lesson inside the car.  

My daughter and I engaged in a discussion about how people can quickly, within moments, make you feel differently.  For example, I was happy, calm and collected until the man behind me beeped his horn.  At which point in time, I became irritable, annoyed and angry.  With one simple sound, I turned off my joy and turned on my frustration.  

It is amazing to me how one beep of a horn reminded me to not let other people steal your joy.  This was a life lesson of how quickly a situation can change how you feel, but yet my reaction to the situation mattered much more than the honking of the horn.  My emotions changed because I allowed someone to have an affect over me, rather than staying calm and maybe not even reacting at all.  

So when the bell rang and my daughter wiggled her way out of the car, I leaned over and said, "What did we learn today?!"  And she goes, "Don't let other people dictate how you feel!  And I love you!  And goodbye!"  

The next time you slide your feet into those special shoes, I hope you will honor the feelings you have in your heart.  And my special thought for you, is to learn from my situation and try to be mindful of your feelings as you react to other people.  Maybe take a deep breath and look around you to determine the severity of the circumstances first.  Then lean into your own feelings and away from allowing others to make you feel unhappy.  Therefore, "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!"  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.