Celebrate Your Strength and Resilience

 

I have a pink infinity symbol tattooed on my right arm with the words "perseverance, resilient, strength".  I got this tattoo about a year ago while dealing with multiple physical and mental health issues.  I was tired of being poked and prodded by doctors and decided I wanted to make a conscious decision to get a tattoo representing all of the challenges I had endured.  


Four years ago, during one of my very dark mental health episodes, my daughter found me in a puddle of tears, in a ball on the floor, on the phone with my mom.  I was in the middle of telling my mom, "I am not okay.  I think there is something wrong with me" when I heard the closet door open and my daughter screamed for my husband.  My husband came running to the closet, scooped me into his arms and put me on our bed.  We called my counselor who sent me immediately to the Emergency Department where I was psychologically evaluated.


At the time, my child was 5 years old.  This was a traumatic situation for all 4 of us (my daughter, my husband, my mother and I).  And it was certainly a circumstance that no 5 year old child should ever have to witness.  


The lurking guilt of my child finding me in one of my worst mental health states has haunted me for years.  And recently, I was ready to process this trauma with my counselor.  It was then that my counselor and I agreed to honor that very moment in time.  We discussed that the events which took place that day have translated into two very hard yet important lessons for my daughter.  First, it offered a platform for my child to understand that Mommy has a mental illness.  And second, it certainly showed that my daughters level of resilience is very high.


13 years ago, I was blessed with one of the most highly regarded psychiatrists in our State as well as an amazing counselor.  They have been a pivotal part of my healing and recovery over the years.  I see my psychiatrist every 3 months, which fluctuates to every 30 days depending upon the necessity of my mental health status.  I also see my counselor like clockwork every 2 weeks, and I am able to securely send her text messages in between visits.  


I will conclude this blog post with a discussion about resilience.  And I hope you know how the ebbs and flows of life help you to be resilient as well.  


They asked her,
"How do you get through tough moments?"

She answered,
"Do not trust the way you see yourself when your mind is turbulent and remember that even pain is temporary. Honor your boundaries, treat yourself gently, let go of perfection, and feel your emotions without letting them control you. You have enough experience to face the storm and evolve from it."

-Young Pueblo on Resilience

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

The Past Present and Future Of Gratefulness

Some days are easier than others. Can most of us relate to that? And on the good days, it might be a little bit easier to have a gratefulness perspective. Whereas other days, the days where we struggle, it can feel a bit troublesome to see the sunshine through all the fog. Yet everyday, I love the woman I was, I am proud of who I am, and I am excited for my future.


Recently, my best friend was checking in to say hello and asked me how life was going in my world. I replied, "It's good. Life is good. Today's perspective is "I am grateful because I can do..." rather than "This feels daunting because...". The change in mentality did not make the day feel any easier but yet the shift in perspective certainly adjusted the potential outcome of how my day unfolded.


I love the quote by Maya Angelou that I included as a picture in this blog post.  The way in which she spoke so gracefully about our past, present and future self is empowering. It allows us to view our lives with such beauty and love.


When I reflect on my life, I look back with heartfelt forgiveness. I do this not because I have to forgive anyone for all that I went through. But instead, when I reflect on how challenging it was to get through various chapters of my life, I forgive the world that surrounded me through all my troubles. I love on myself through an atmosphere of grace because I overcame some of the most trying times in my life.  


When I look to the future, I choose to look at it lovingly.  I look forward to the unknown of what lies ahead and I graciously accept what is yet to come of my life's story.  I am, without a doubt, humbled by my past and still look ahead with hope and excitement!


And finally, I feel that the most important thing we can do is to be grateful in the present moment.  As for me, I am grateful for each precious moment of life.  And I am so blessed to be surrounded by such incredibly amazing people.  And as always, I am grateful to be able to wear my high heels as I share in life with all of you.


Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Perfect Just The Way I Am

Every Sunday I sit down and fill up my medicine container for the coming week.  This past Sunday, my daughter took the chair beside me and simply asked "Mommy, what is each pill for?"  This unfolded into a beautiful conversation about my physical and mental health.  I explained to her how the medications support my need to take care of myself and how they help keep me healthy. 

My daughter and I discussed the fact that every person has a different brain and that mine is especially unique.  We talked about the diagnosis of bipolar disorder and how my brain cells do not properly send signals to one another.  We discussed how the medicine creates a bridge from one cell to another.  And that this process supports a healthy brain and therefore a more healthy Mommy.  

I also reminded her that one of my doctors is a counselor.  And we talked about the differences and similarities between physical therapy and mental health therapy.  I explained that I go to physical therapy for my arm to help it heal.  And that I see a mental health therapist to support the continued healing of my brain.  Within 5 minutes my pill container was filled and my daughter hopped out of the chair and went to play in the other room.  

I call my pills the "medication cocktail" that supports my mental health and heals my physical ailments.  Even with prescription medications and vitamins, there is a dark side of my brain that tells me I am worthless.  And when these bad thoughts come sneaking in, I acknowledge them for what they are, remind myself that it is my brain having an unhealthy moment, and I imagine the bad thought passing through my ears and out into the world.  And when in doubt, I slide my feet into high heels and gently remind myself that I am perfect just the way that I am.  

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.