How Do You Perceive Yourself

 

It is my belief that how you perceive yourself is not the same way in which others perceive you.  Take a moment and look at the picture in this post.  If what you see in the mirror is only the straight-forward view of yourself, then you are not looking at the rest of your beautiful self.  There is so much more to you than just one view.  And other people have the ability to see beauty in you that you do not see in yourself. 

For example, my husband always says that I am too hard on myself.  He explains that I do not give myself enough credit for the things I do and the woman I have become.  And maybe he is right, because he sees me from a different perspective.  His perception is through the lense of his loving and genuinely caring view of me.  


When I look in the mirror, I perceive myself to be someone who is pretty on the outside, and yet I am sad on the inside.  This is because I battle bipolar disorder.  Therefore, I know it is important to take care of myself.  

For these reasons, I like to wear jeans or nice pants and a fun shirt to compliment the look.  And if you know me, you will most likely see me sporting a pair of high heel shoes.  I feel good when I dress nicely.  Even though I may not feel confident inwardly, it makes me want to hold my head up high.  While clothes and shoes do not define who I am, I choose to look good on the outside to contrast my inner-most feelings of negative self-worth.  

On the other hand, a pair of yoga pants and sneakers feels really good sometimes, too.  And there is nothing wrong with sweat pants and flip flops.  This is a no-judgement zone for you to find comfort in who you are as a person, no matter how you perceive yourself.  

I hope that today and always you shine both on the inside and outside.  You are beautiful no matter what you wear.  This is because you are perfectly you.  


Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it. 

I Will Never Leave Your Side

 

Recently my best friend has been struggling with depression.  Her inability to vocalize this until more recently has been devastating to me.  I feel like I have not been the friend that she needs.  This is because when she did finally reach out to me via text, she explained that she felt like she was suffering in silence. 

Being someone who battles bipolar and anxiety disorders, I have a special place in my heart for mental health.  I have lived most of my life with mental illnesses, and I have grown a deep empathy for others who struggle through mental health challenges.  

It is for this reason that I felt so sad when my best friend told me she was suffering silently with depression.  She explained that getting out of bed in the morning was difficult.  She said that she spent every moment battling through work just to get through the day.  And every ounce of her body wanted nothing more than to constantly cry out of deepened sadness that she never knew she could feel.  

Recent events have reminded me that suffering is not always loud.  I know that being alone is not always peaceful.  And I understand the importance of getting out of bed and simply having a sip of water.  And then sending just one or two text messages can use up all of someones energy for that day.  

The friend that I long to be, is the person that people reach out to when they need someone by their side.  I do not want to stand back and watch life pass me by.  Instead, I want to be actively involved in the daily life of the people that I love the most.  My heart is broken for my friend and I feel like I failed her by not noticing her pain sooner.  

I hope this is a subtle reminder that it is okay to not be okay.  That when you feel despair, I hope you reach out to a loved one whom you trust with your heart.  And if you feel you have no one, my hope is that you will reach out to a professional for the help that you so desperately need.  

Amongst the chaos of my life, my best friend did not want to reach out to me because she did not want to "bother me".  But, little did she know, she could never be anything but a perfectly precious part of my life.  And I wanted her to know this.  I wanted her to know that she could never be a bother to me because I love her so much. 

As soon as we finished our text message conversation, I grabbed my pocketbook and went to the store.  I bought her a pair of one inch white high heels, and I drove to her house.  I snuck them in her mailbox with a note, "I love you.  You are not alone.  And I hope these heels are a reminder of your inner strength and ability to get through this tough time".  Then I sent her a text message, "A secret admirer left a little something in your mailbox".  I drove away knowing that she is my best friend, and I will never leave her side.  

 Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it. 

I Am Not Settling For Less

I. Am. Not. Settling. For. Less.  I am not settling for less.  I, personally, am not settling for less.  I will not beg others to choose me.  I will not beg others to choose me.  I, personally refuse to beg anyone else to choose me.  Instead, I will shine bright like a diamond until I am found.  

In one of my previous jobs, I spent a great deal of time explaining who I was and what I had to offer.  I was always justifying my worth to my colleagues and my supervisor.  I would work on projects for days making sure that every element of them was done with precision and perfection.  And while I worked very hard, I made many mistakes.  

I settled not because I became stagnant but because I let my job, my projects and my peers define my worth.  I begged others to chose me as I worked hard through failed promotions.  And I constantly lived vicariously through those people who I felt were more successful than me.  My worth was defined by my title and my income.  And this defined my status as I related to other people in my life.  

When I reflect on this, I remember that my life is mine to live.  For example, my worth is not based on the acceptance of others.  Their feelings towards my successes does not directly align with the person I have become throughout my own life's journey.  And I refuse to settle knowing full well that first and foremost, I choose me.  And I will keep shining despite how others perceive who I was and the woman I have yet to become.  

My advice to you is to be a diamond.  Be yourself and you will shine brightly.  Do not seek out validation from others but instead find your worth within your soul.  And know that while it is important to not settle, it is also pertinent to shine.  Because by being yourself, you will shine so brightly that you will be found by the people who love, care and respect you for who you are.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.