The "Click Click Click" Of My High Heels

Today I had lunch with a friend of mine from work.  We were on our way back to our respective offices from the cafeteria.  We were walking down a long hall where all you could hear was the “click click click” of my high heeled shoes.  She looked down at my feet and said “I just don’t know how you walk in those high heels”.  I simply smiled at her and we kept walking. 

 

When I was reflecting on her statement, it came to mind that I walk briskly with ease in my heels.  Aside from the occasional slippery floor where I catch myself so as not to fall flat on my bottom!  But isn’t that true in life too? 

 

I know with Bipolar Disorder, for me, I am proud of myself for the day to day activities that I do.  I get up (sometimes I reset my alarm five times first but I get up), I get showered and dressed and I drive myself to work.  I work a full day, take care of my family at night, workout then take care of myself and go to bed.

 

Some days are easier than others.  Some days re-setting my alarm isn’t all that is keeping me in bed.  Sometimes I get depressed and I cannot get out of bed at all.  Other days I make my way to work only to hypothetically “slip and fall”.  For example Monday, I sent a report out to the entire leadership team (c-suite included… CEO, CFO, COO, CNO, CMO and so on…) and their executive assistants.  I sent it out only to find that not two minutes post-“sent” did my co-worker (who has the office next to me) come in to say that my math did not add up correctly at the top of the spreadsheet.  Let me repeat myself.  C-suite.  And third grade math.  It was an overlook on my part of course and we all make mistakes, no?  But this was a big huge error for sure.    

 

Other days I wear my high heels and walk through the halls with glamour.  As I did a few weeks ago when I received recognition from my boss for two financial projections I had successfully completed for him.  The "Congratulations and great job, Stacy" went out to the whole company for everyone to see and I was very excited with this accomplishment. 

So for me in my life, my high heels are more than just the clicking down the hallway.  They represent strength, beauty and perseverance.  It is not only about how pretty they make my outfit look on the outside but how special they make me feel on the inside. 

 

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Out of the Darkness Community Walk

This past Saturday I walked.  I walked all around the Riverfront in Wilmington, Delaware.  I walked with over 500 other people.  Together, we raised over $59,000 and 84 cents of every single one of those dollars will go to suicide prevention. 

 

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Out of the Darkness Community Walk was an amazing (yet cold and windy) experience.  From vendors to speakers, walkers had the opportunity to share with one another their stories and the stories of their loved ones. 

 

We walked for each other and we walked for those people who took their own lives.  While other people, out of love for a good cause, walked simply to support research and education opportunities in suicide prevention. 

 

At the event, there were buckets of beads in different colors.  The walkers were able to pick up and wear the beads that best represented why they were present at the event.  Personally, I took the purple, blue and green beads and wore them the entire day of the walk.  The three different colors represented the following:

 

Purple:  I have lost a relative or friend to suicide

Blue: I support suicide prevention

Green:  I struggle/struggled personally

 

For me, it was a powerful event, it was a day of healing and it created the opportunity to reflect.  As I look back on my own life, I see the four people who I know that I have lost to suicide.  On Saturday, I walked for them.  I also walked for myself and for mental health awareness. 

 

When I signed up for this walk, I knew it wouldn’t be an easy event to participate in.  I know my personal struggles with Bipolar have taken me through hell and back again.  And I also know that I am grateful to be currently stable and while yes, medicated, I am healthy. 

 

Today, I put on my high heels and I went to work just like I do every Monday through Friday.  And today, like every other day, I feel blessed.  I am grateful for where I am in my life’s journey and I am certainly glad I had the opportunity to participate in this special walk. 

 

Finally, I want to say a special Thank You to those who supported me financially, physically and emotionally on this journey.  From my monetary sponsors to friends who walked beside me (and my mom who watched my daughter while I walked), Thank You from the bottom of my heart. 

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

 

 

There’s Hope in the Darkness of Bipolar Disorder

In loving honor of World Mental Health Day (October 10th), today I did a guest blog post for a very good friend of mine.  She graciously posted my words on her blog and I would like to share what I wrote with my readers here as well.  Her blog, where this was originally published, is https://www.parrotcontent.com.

"It was 6 a.m. and we had been in the emergency department for my husband since 10 p.m. the night before. Having been completely deprived of sleep and running strictly on adrenaline, my mental health went out of control. I had a manic episode and it was the worst one to date.

When I came out of it, off cloud two hundred, and back to reality, I counted seven holes that I had put in my ears with various safety pins. My husband, who was sleeping at the time, woke up to find me this way and he almost passed out looking at my ears. He asked me what I was thinking and I said, “I am not sure.  I just wanted to pierce my ears and make them pretty.” After this, he helped me to put earrings through the holes I had created and we removed the safety pins one by one. He laid me down and I took a very long nap.

You see my friends, I suffer from bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with it in the spring of 2012 after trying to buy a brand new car off a credit card with a limit of $2000. My husband had to take my credit card from me and drive me home from the dealership. This is the manic side of my bipolar disorder. The opposing side to this is the depression and I suffer from both.

When the depression gets out of control, I generally end up in an emergency room and hospitalized for at least a week. This has happened three times so far in my short thirty-three years of life. The last time I was hospitalized because I emailed my husband a suicide letter. The pills were ready to be taken and out on the counter. The only thing between the pills and me was the bed I was sleeping on at the time.

I tell you this information not to scare you but to explain to you the good, the bad and the ugly of bipolar disorder as it pertains to me. And to say that I am proud of myself for where I have come is an understatement. I have lived through hell and back and I still put on my high heels every day and go to work. Yes, I have been on disability before and I have gone through months of living at home in order to make ends meet. But today, I am stable and I work a full-time job.

My good friend once asked me to explain to her how I control my mental health. And I realized in that moment that I use many different means of healing. I use medication, a counselor, mindfulness thinking, support of family, love of friends, prayer, music, a proper diet, exercise and the list goes on. When times get rough, I pull out whatever healthy means I have at the time to best handle the situation.

On a regular basis, there are five rules that I follow: I eat proper nutrition, I drink lots of water, I exercise, I take my medication and I see my counselor. These simple steps keep me stable as I walk through life one step at a time, one high heel in front of the other.

Yours Truly,

Moody Mom"

Love Note:  With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.