I Am Not Settling For Less

I. Am. Not. Settling. For. Less.  I am not settling for less.  I, personally, am not settling for less.  I will not beg others to choose me.  I will not beg others to choose me.  I, personally refuse to beg anyone else to choose me.  Instead, I will shine bright like a diamond until I am found.  

In one of my previous jobs, I spent a great deal of time explaining who I was and what I had to offer.  I was always justifying my worth to my colleagues and my supervisor.  I would work on projects for days making sure that every element of them was done with precision and perfection.  And while I worked very hard, I made many mistakes.  

I settled not because I became stagnant but because I let my job, my projects and my peers define my worth.  I begged others to chose me as I worked hard through failed promotions.  And I constantly lived vicariously through those people who I felt were more successful than me.  My worth was defined by my title and my income.  And this defined my status as I related to other people in my life.  

When I reflect on this, I remember that my life is mine to live.  For example, my worth is not based on the acceptance of others.  Their feelings towards my successes does not directly align with the person I have become throughout my own life's journey.  And I refuse to settle knowing full well that first and foremost, I choose me.  And I will keep shining despite how others perceive who I was and the woman I have yet to become.  

My advice to you is to be a diamond.  Be yourself and you will shine brightly.  Do not seek out validation from others but instead find your worth within your soul.  And know that while it is important to not settle, it is also pertinent to shine.  Because by being yourself, you will shine so brightly that you will be found by the people who love, care and respect you for who you are.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it. 

You Get To Decide

You get to decide.

You are not your pain. You are not your mistakes. You are not your childhood, your heartbreaks, or the people who couldn't love you right. You are what you chose to do with all of it.

Every habit you've picked up, every fear you carry, every wall you've built, it all came from somewhere. And while it makes sense that you learned to protect yourself the way you did, it's also okay to unlearn. To question. To shift. To grow. You're allowed to rewrite the story.

Just because life handed you broken pieces doesn't mean you can't build a masterpiece. So take your pain. Take your lessons. Take all the messy, raw, unfiltered parts of your journey, and turn them into power. Into wisdom. Into purpose.

The past shaped you. But you define you. Your story isn't over. You're just getting started.

-Written by 3am thoughts

My friend recently shared this writing with me.  I felt it in my soul that so many of the words and phrases resonated with my life.  The meaning behind the written word has so much depth, and added a level of clarity to my past and my present.  And it positively affects where I am going in the future.  


It is amazing to me how much I have learned from my past.  It is the opportunity for me to reflect on what I did, and where I was at different stages of my life.  Yet, while I know I can look back, I am also aware that remaining stagnant in the past can be unhealthy.  

As I honor where I came from, I use this to mold where I am going.  I can pick up the broken pieces and choose to make them into something beautiful.  This will support everything that the future holds for me.  It is so important to look ahead at what can be so precious as it unfolds in different ways.  

I fear being stuck in the situations of my past.  And, at the same time, I want to find a balance where I chose to not look too far ahead to where I am going in the future.  And today, as I slipped my feet into my high heeled shoes, I remember all that I am and the woman I will look forward to becoming.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it. 

Stronger Than You Think

It was a Monday at 2:30pm.  I woke up with a migraine and it refused to go away.  My head was pounding and my heart was distraught.  By 2:31pm, I finally pulled myself out of bed.  And by 2:32pm, I got myself to the sink to brush my teeth and wash my face.  2:33pm brought an onset of tears that just wouldn't stop.


I have had chronic migraines since 2018, when I started a job with great levels of executive visibility and management scrutiny.  All my work was watched, reviewed and processed with a fine-tooth comb.  And with every project, a new headache would appear.  The pressure was immense and the internal workings of my brain suffered greatly.  The migraines have not subsided since that time in my life.  

I still suffer from migraines.  I average 1 migraine per week and they last anywhere from 4 hours to 3 days.  They start behind my eyes, work their way up my face and into the top of my brain, down the back of my head and into my shoulders.  I have multiple levels of neurologic medications and support for this chronic illness, yet they still show their ugly face.  

7 years of migraines is exhausting and this past Monday, I had enough of it all.  I felt weak, exhausted, in pain.  And I was desperate for health and healing.  I wanted to scream to the world yet all I could do was cry.  So that is what I did.  

Recently a friend asked me, "what is your trigger for your migraines?"  When I worked in 2018, my trigger was stress.  But right now, I am not working, so there is no reason for me to be stressed out.  Therefore, how could I possibly be suffering from migraines?  Wrong.  To be clear, whether you work or not, you can still feel multiple levels of stress.

My family is going through a huge transitional time in our lives.  And I have a court date coming up for my long-term need to be on disability.  Going to court is scary and telling my story to a judge who gets to determine my financial future is terrifying.  I have 5 doctors who, due to my mental and physical health, feel as though I am not well enough to work.  Yet, the financial disability support system has deemed me eligible to work.  Therefore, I am going to court to plead my case.  


With my head still snuggled into my towel and the tears still flowing, I said to myself, "Stop.  That is enough.  Wipe your tears.  We have a day to finish."  At 2:35pm, my face was dry and I was staring at my clock.  It was time to get changed, have a cup of coffee and push through yet another migraine.  But this time, it was different because even though it was hard, I knew I was stronger than I gave myself credit for.  


Maybe you will go through minutes that are very tough.  And sometimes it feels like it will never end and the pain will never stop.  But I remain hopeful that even through the tears, there is light in resilience.  There is strength beyond the pain.  And there is perseverance through the struggle.  And maybe, we are all stronger than we think.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it. 

If You're Happy And You Know It!

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! If you're happy and you know it and your face will surely show it, if you're happy and you know it clap your hands!"

I have had that kids song stuck in my head all day today.  It has been going around and around in circles on repeat since I dropped my daughter off at school this morning.  Not because we were singing the song together, but because of the topic of our conversation.  

We rarely get to school early, but today was one of those special days.  We both woke up on time, got ready speedy quick and hopped into the car.  I was able to take my time and drive my daughter to school in a timely fashion.  And we got there before the bell rang so we sat in the car in the drop-off line with the other parents.  

As we waited, a car pulled up behind me and beeped its horn.  I looked in front of me and saw numerous other cars.  I looked to my left and saw the school building.  I looked to my right and saw all the kids who walk to school.  And finally, I took a deep breath and looked around behind me.  

The man in the car behind me was flailing his arms up and down.  Then he motioned for me to drive forward by waving his arms in an onward direction.  So I turned back around and said out loud in an angry voice, "WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO GO?!"  My calm little angel in the back seat responded, "Mommy, why did he make you so mad?"  

As we continued to sit in the car and wait for the bell to sound for school to start, I pondered my current situation.  Part of me wanted to get out of the car and chat with the man behind me.  I would say, "Hello sir!  Clearly there is no where I can go, so I am not sure why you beeped your horn at me in a school parking lot!  Have a good day!"  But instead of initiating a conversation outside the car, I decided to turn this into a learning lesson inside the car.  

My daughter and I engaged in a discussion about how people can quickly, within moments, make you feel differently.  For example, I was happy, calm and collected until the man behind me beeped his horn.  At which point in time, I became irritable, annoyed and angry.  With one simple sound, I turned off my joy and turned on my frustration.  

It is amazing to me how one beep of a horn reminded me to not let other people steal your joy.  This was a life lesson of how quickly a situation can change how you feel, but yet my reaction to the situation mattered much more than the honking of the horn.  My emotions changed because I allowed someone to have an affect over me, rather than staying calm and maybe not even reacting at all.  

So when the bell rang and my daughter wiggled her way out of the car, I leaned over and said, "What did we learn today?!"  And she goes, "Don't let other people dictate how you feel!  And I love you!  And goodbye!"  

The next time you slide your feet into those special shoes, I hope you will honor the feelings you have in your heart.  And my special thought for you, is to learn from my situation and try to be mindful of your feelings as you react to other people.  Maybe take a deep breath and look around you to determine the severity of the circumstances first.  Then lean into your own feelings and away from allowing others to make you feel unhappy.  Therefore, "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!"  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it. 

No Patience Left

 

I run out of patience so easily.  I feel like while patience is an important virtue, it is not one that I readily possess.  I feel like my patience is constantly limited.  And while I have a lot of great attributes as a person, having patience does not tend to be top on my list.   

I recently read an article about a famous singer who literally never talks down to children.  Instead of height being a distinct difference, this celebrity always squats down when they talk to young children who are significantly shorter than themselves.  They make it a point to get to a child's view of the world before talking or embracing a younger person.  

The article was important to me because it reminded me of how I present myself to young children as well.  Whether it is my daughter, my nieces and nephews or children of my friends, I make it a point to try and speak to them at their level.  And it makes a big difference as to how I interact with younger individuals.  

BUT what does this have to do with patience?  I know that there are certain circumstances in life that test my patience more than others.  And many of these situations revolve around kids.  For instance, I was taking care of my niece and she wanted to go outside but it was raining.  So, I squatted down to her level and snuggled her up in my arms.  I explained to her that it was raining outside which means we had to find an indoor game to play.  At which point in time, she screamed "NO I AM GOING OUTSIDE!" and every part of me lacked patience to deal with this temper tantrum.  

So, I did what every good aunt would do.  I stood up, took a deep breath, and watched my niece roll around on the floor in anger.  At this point, every part of my patience was running thin.  I could think of 20 different indoor activities we could play, but none of these ideas sounded like "fun" to my little niece who wanted only to go outside.  

At this point, it was time to get creative with the plan.  We were going outside one way or another because I had no patience to try and negotiate with this angry little human.  So, I got back down on my knees, calmed her down by gently rubbing her back and promised an alternative solution to this problem.  Looking into her little eyes, I told her to get bundled up, put on her rain coat and boots because we were going outside to play in the rain.  

When I tell you we got soaking wet, we got WET.  Every layer of my clothing was soaked all the way through by playing in the rain.  But, watching my niece smile made it all worth while.  And after about a half hour, we went inside, changed into dry clothes and had a cup of hot chocolate. 

The frustration I had due to my lack of patience felt unbearable.  And during times when my patience runs thin, I know that I need to take a deep breath and momentarily remove myself from the situation.  I have to clear my mind and make way for a plausible solution to the problem at hand.  And sometimes, I just need to honor the fact that patience may not be one of my greatest qualities.  However, I also learned a long time ago to use skills that I readily have at hand.  And problem solving is, in fact, a virtue I possess.  

So when in doubt, I lean into my greatest qualities as a person and breathe through my impatience.  And whether in high heels or rain boots, I always try to squat down to make eye contact with all the little humans in my life when I speak to them.  I know that finding patience, when there is none left, can be hard.  And yet walking away to take a moment to myself helps me through these difficult situations.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it. 

You Mean Something To Someone

I recently read, "Be The Reason Someone Feels... supported, seen, valued, welcomed, heard and loved".  And this simply and subtly shook my world.  Knowing full well that I have the ability to care about someone so much that they feel seen and valued makes me feel so important to the people around me.  It makes me want to be a better version of myself because I live in a world where I can have a positive affect on other people.  And so can you because you mean something to someone.


I was at the supermarket the other day and I ran into an old friend.  He walked right up to me and said, "Hi! Oh my goodness I was thinking of you earlier today!  I feel like I haven't seen you in a while.  I am so glad I ran into you today and that you are okay."  I embraced him with a huge hug and told him I was so grateful that the world brought us together.  A simple "hello" meant so much to both of us.  Before we left and went our own ways, I said, "Thank you for thinking of me and caring about me".


It meant so much to me that I came to mind for a friend earlier in the day.  The simple fact that he thought of me means that he cares.  And since the world brought us together, he was able to have the opportunity to tell me how much he missed me.  He let me know that he cared enough about me that I was on his mind. And that I was a part of his world because friends leave impacts on the lives of one another.


That night, I was talking to my husband and shared with him who I saw at the grocery store.  And as I was telling the story, it sat heavily on my heart that in that moment, I meant something to someone.  And you mean something to someone, too.


There are people in your life that mean the world to you and you mean the world to them.  This person has a special impact upon your life.  Sometimes this is a best friend, a family member or someone you just met for the first time.  Maybe you talk to them all the time.  Other times, it is a person you see less frequently but they care about you more than you could ever imagine.


Today as you put your high heels on, I hope you will also snuggle a warm smile into your heart knowing that you matter.  You matter to someone who cares very deeply about your presence in this enormous world.  You, my friend, mean something to someone out there who loves you and cares about you very much.


LOVE PEOPLE LOUDLY.

Tell them often.
Cheer them on as they go after their goals.
Hug them (if they like hugs) every chance you get.
No one ever got to the end of their life and thought,
"I wish I'd left more people wondering about how much I cared."
By Lori Descene


Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

The Gift Of Time

 

Recently, I have been struggling to better understand the importance of time.  And as I was pondering this question, I began thinking more about the concept of time as a gift to both myself and others.  This includes continuing to give other people segments of my time because these moments are precious.  I know that time, to me, is a gift that I can gladly offer to another person knowing that I will never get those moments back.  

I have a Masters Degree in Organization and Leadership.  In my studies, I discovered how we relate to others and how we see ourselves in relationship with the rest of the world around us.  For example, a person who is a leader sees themselves in the reflection of others.  Therefore, a leader collaborates with others knowing the importance of coordination amongst relationships.  

As I unraveled my graduate studies, I learned about the importance of the past, present and future.  For example, a leader learns from the past so that they can look forward to a different future.  And, honoring the present moment means reflecting on the time which has gone before them and therefore looking forward to the moments that have yet to be part of their lives.   

The importance of this theory is that a person who is a "leader" will lean into the present moment.  They are witness to the importance of each special moment in our lives.  And they guide others to see the importance of the present.  And for some people, the greatest gift that they can be given is someone else giving, to them, some of their time.  

When I look around me, I see leaders all over the world.  Leaders are not just present in organizations and businesses.  Some people are born oozing leadership skills knowing how to collaborate in relation with others around them.  And other times, leadership is learned as we co-create safe spaces to spend time with each other.  

When you look in the mirror, do you see a leader?  I know that I do!  Because in each present moment, we give our gifts of time in different ways.  For example, when we listen to a friend who needs someone to talk to.  Or when we send a text message to someone who came to mind that maybe we have not spoken to in a while.  Or, we will take a moment, to tell a person we do not know, that their bright pink shoes are pretty just to see a smile on their face!

Each one of these moments is important to someone that it affects.  We cannot get those moments back because as they pass us by, they become part of our past.  But if we are here on earth to look forward to the future, then I hope we will lean into the gift of giving our time to others.  This serves both us and those around us by honoring our importance in the lives of one another. 

So today, put on your high heels and walk out into the world knowing that you, too, are a leader.  This is because you know that every moment of your life has an affect on the lives of those around you.  And that collaboration in relationship with others is very important and honorable.  Each moment that we offer another person is a simple yet powerful gift.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Be Fierce And Courageous

 

Today I was struck with the word "fierce".  So, I looked it up and one of the many definitions of the word is, "showing a heartfelt and powerful intensity".  When I think of this word, I envision a person who is strong, proud, passionate and ready to face any situation head-on.


I coupled this word with "courage".  And this means, "having mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear or difficulty".  Being courageous can be incredibly difficult, but the end result of persevering through a given situation can be extremely beautiful.  

My daughter recently said, "Mommy, we all have to find a way to be fierce. But being fierce is not about being the best.  It is about having the courage to do what you want to do."  I would lovingly argue that my 10-year-old is wise beyond her age, and she is intelligent enough to implement her comment. 

So, she continued the conversation with a real-life example to further explain what she meant.  At which point she said, "A gymnast may be scared to do a roundoff into a back handspring.  But, they need to have enough courage to do the skill.  They need to have the courage to learn how to do the skill.  In order to try it for themselves, they need to be fierce.  They have to have the courage to be fierce and be fierce enough to have courage.  Then and only then, Mommy, will they be able do the skill to the best of their ability."  

While I am not physically fit enough to do a back handspring, I am intelligent enough to know that there are many life lessons to learn through her words.  Do I have the courage to learn something new?  Am I fierce enough to implement the new skill that I learned?  Yet, I also know that being fierce is not just about learning a new skill.  Rather it is about having a new mindset.  This could be a new way of perceiving different situations that life unfolds right in front of me.  

So today, I ask you to take a moment and think about the courage that you possess within yourself.  Do you strive to be fierce through the challenges that life presents to you?  I know that whatever life throws in your direction, you will handle it with grace and poise.  This is because each one of us is beautiful and perfect in our own way.  So, slide your feet into those high heel shoes and be the fierce courageous person you were born to be!

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Do Not Clip Their Wings, Add Feathers

Someone once wrote, "Each of us shines in our own unique way, so there's no need to dim or block one another's light.  Let us shine brightly together as a collective whole."  

This quote really spoke to my soul.  I believe in the importance of lifting up one another, and I value surrounding myself with people who do the same to me as well.  It is as if we are all beautiful angels with wings that have feathers.  People who love and value you will add feathers to your wings.  While those who don't, may clip your wings and it can be detrimental to your wellbeing.  

Ever since the start of my professional career, I have always looked up to financially successful female role models.  Many women I follow are entrepreneurs while some are politicians, personal trainers and organizational leaders.  The women I admire have worked very hard to achieve the respect of others and the financial status that they hold.  

Last week, I was reading about a female self-made millionaire.  She explained that the small business she started grew into a huge successful organization.  And during her journey, she stated that she paid no mind to other people and led a lonely selfish lifestyle.  She outwardly stated that she felt like no one wanted her to succeed.  She said she was alone and had no friends nor family to support her throughout her professional career. 

It is very interesting how much I let this woman's story bother me.  I was impressed with her journey to financial freedom, yet part of me was very saddened that she felt so lonely.  Not only did she feel unsupported, but she also felt that other people did not want her to succeed at all.  And this made me very upset because I believe that the way in which we interact with others is very important.  And as we cross paths with various people, I think finding ways to add feathers to the wings of our surrounding angels is important.  This helps us soar higher and fly further than we have ever gone before.  

Today and always, I hope you will make a conscious decision to try and surround yourself with people who add feathers to your wings.  People who add value, love and support throughout your time here on earth.  And I also hope, that as you place your feet into your high heels, you will make a conscious effort to add feathers to the wings of other people as well.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Hobbies We Unwrap Are Gifts To Others

 

Growing up, I had a few simple hobbies.  My grandmother taught me how to sew and I would make clothes for my dolls.  And my mom taught me how to crochet.  Together, my mom and I made blankets and scarves.  While these hobbies were enjoyable, nothing really stuck out to me that I did often, just for myself.


I feel like a hobby is a little gift that we offer ourselves for simple pleasures or even relaxation.  A few examples of hobbies are playing a musical instrument, knitting, reading, walking, coloring, writing or doing yoga.  And these hobbies can turn into gifts when we bless others with them.  For instance, a person who knits may gift others with scarves.  Or a person who plays a musical instrument may play in a band.


Do you have a hobby?  How long have you done your hobby?  What excites you most about this hobby?  Now that you have one in mind, what about this activity gives you pleasure, peace and a sense of simple soulful purpose?  And if you are open to sharing this hobby with others, what are some ways that you can unwrap your gift and make it a habit?  

When we take our hobby, make it a habit and share it with others, it becomes a beautiful gift.  Not all hobbies are to be shared with others because they are special to the person who uses them as a means in which to rest and find relaxation.  But they can become beautiful gifts when we are open to sharing them.  

Recently, I was talking to my counselor about my hobbies.  I personally like to go for walks and color.  And I still like to sew as well.  But, he asked me point blank, "What is your gift and how do you unwrap it?"  And I knew immediately that I am already using my hobby of writing, making it a habit and sharing it as a gift to others through my blog.  

A hobby should make you smile on the inside.  It should be something special you can lean into on your most chaotic days to calm your mind and ease your heart.  And sometimes, when we make a hobby a habit, we can return to this activity when we need it the most on a tough day.  

I hope today, when you put on your high heels, you will think about your hobbies.  And I wonder if you unwrap them, and share them with others, what kind of a special gift you can offer the world.  And while the activities of life spin around us, I hope you will find time to pursue your own hobby that makes you smile and gives you comfort.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Being A Mommy To Lots Of Plants

I LOVE plants!  And I LOVE being a plant Mommy!  All my plants have names and I talk to them all the time.  They look different, need various lights of sun in order to grow, and they all require a certain amount of water to stay healthy.  

When I water my plants, I talk to them.  When they are not growing or even drooping, I touch their little leaves and put on my fingers on their soil to find out what nutrients they may be lacking.  Sometimes they need more light.  Other times, they need fresh soil.  And sometimes they need a friend so I move them closer to other plants where they can flourish and grow together.  

I have a piece of my great grandmothers plant.  Her original plant was so big that we trimmed it down, rooted the pieces and the children were all given a little plant.  This happened for two generations and now I have my own plant which I have propagated multiple times.  This plant was named after my great-grandmother and her name was Mary.   

Unfortunately, one of my Mary plants had "root rot" and was dying.  I over-watered her this winter for fear that her soil was too dry because of the heater.  However, I was wrong and she became very sick.  So, I salvaged what I could of her and re-potted her.  I put her in new soil and in a new location in my house.  Sadly, Mary went into shock and started wilting.  I thought I had lost my original little Mary plant forever.  

However, for an early Mothers Day gift, my husband and daughter gave me a wooden plant stand.  I moved a lot of my plants over to this stand, including my little dying Mary.  Much to my surprise, Mary started to heal.  And then, she began to grow again.  She loved the new location, snuggled around lots of plant friends, and enjoyed the heat of the morning light without it being directly on her leaves.  

If the saying is true, and people are similar to plants, then each individual person requires something different in order to flourish and grow.  Each person may need different nutrients in their soil.  We all require a different amount of fluids.  And while some people are most comforted when they are alone, other people need a community in order to grow.  

As I look at my little plants and analyze their needs in order to thrive and survive, I also look in the mirror and honor my own needs.  And I hope you will do the same for yourself.  For example, is your soil being watered enough?  Are you surrounding yourself with family and friends who will help you grow?  Are your roots planted firmly so that you can stand strong and proud?  As you put on your special shoes today, I hope you will reflect on what makes you grow as a beautiful, blossoming uniquely precious individual.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

The Glass Is Refillable

There is an old saying relating to how someone perceives events in life.  It is called, "is the glass half full or half empty?"  Therefore, imagine a glass that has water filled to the halfway point.  An optimistic person may say that they have enough water in the glass to enjoy a refreshing drink.  On the contrary, a pessimistic person may suggest that there was only a small amount of water left in the glass and that it is a huge bummer that there may not be enough water to drink in order to feel refreshed.  

One person could look at the glass of water and see that the glass of water is half full.  This would be perceived as an optimistic perspective.  So the life application of this thought pattern is that this particular person sees the challenges of life as being positive.  For example, if this person were to lose their job, they would see this as an opportunity instead of a challenge.  Maybe they would see this as time to spend with their family, a new beginning to look for a new job, and find joy in going back to school or changing their career. 

On the contrary, a person who looks at the same exact glass of water may see the glass as being half empty.  This would be considered a pessimistic perspective and a negative view of a given situation.  Should this person lose their job, they would be devastated, saddened, and upset.  They may not see this as an opportunity but instead as a financial and person burden to themselves and their family.  

Interestingly enough, I recently was talking to my friend about this exact analogy.  Over a yummy cup of coffee, I point blank asked her if me losing my job should be viewed as a glass half empty or glass half full scenario.  She looked at me straight in the eyes and said, "Well, what if I see it differently?  Because to me, the glass is exactly what I need at this time in my life.  Furthermore, the glass is always refillable should you have access to more liquids".  We smiled together and continued along with our conversation.  

Later on that day, I began pondering my perspective on this particular saying and I began contemplating my own reality.  For instance, what liquids do I use to refill my cup?  In my hypothetical world, the liquids could represent hobbies, exercise or music.  I fill my cup with meditation, I spend time with nature, I express my creative side through writing and sometimes I go for a walk.  All these different things add up and help me keep my glass of water exactly what I need for this particular time in my life.  

Maybe, just maybe, the glass is not half full and it certainly is not half empty.  But instead, the glass is always refillable.  Therefore, it is simply what we chose to do within the confines of the glass we are given and how we perceive the way in which we refill it.  Today, I hope you will take a moment and think about where you are in life.  Because your glass is filled to perfection since you are exactly where you need to be in your life at this point in time.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

A Cancer Roller Coaster

I personally have a roller coaster of emotions related to cancer.  It has put me on a long journey through the lives of the people I love.  This includes those who have had and who have passed because of this tragic illness.  And it continues to show its ugly face as I grow older.  


When I was 7 years old, my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer.  At the time, the doctors estimated he would live 6 more months.  My father fought through radiation and chemotherapy.  He went to some of the best hospitals in the area for second opinions to get the support that he needed to stay alive.  Beyond the 6 month diagnosis, we were blessed with 15 years of my father going in and out of remission before cancer took his life.  There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about and miss my father.  

When my husband was in college, he lost his mother to breast cancer.  I met him shortly after his mother passed away.  Unfortunately, this means that I never had the opportunity to meet my mother-in-law.  From the deepest parts of my heart, I never knew that I could miss someone so much of whom I never had the opportunity to meet.  

Cancer has had an overwhelming amount of impact on the lives of many people and animals than I love dearly.  My grandfather passed away from lung cancer before my daughters third birthday.  My precious cat, Ninja, died one year ago of bone cancer.  And most recently two of my friends were diagnosed with cancer.  One of those friends had surgery to remove the tumor and they are currently in remission.  My other friend is in the middle of a long, hard battle with breast cancer.

A wise person once told me that cancer knows no limits.  Cancer knows no age, gender, race, skin color, social status nor ethnicity.  It has no mercy for those people it affects, and shows no care to those who love them.  And I know that I am not the only person affected by this horrible disease.  

I believe that what lies in the pain of grief is a love that no boundaries can stop.  Though illness is traumatic and can be tragic, I have seen for myself that love will always find a way to the forefront of grief, pain and suffering.  And in the midst of the life-long battles that my readers may face, including the trials and tribulations that life brings, I hope you know that you are incredibly loved, worthy and cherished.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Life's Teaching Moments

My late Mother-in-Law, Claire, was known for using the saying, "This too shall pass".  Through this saying, she expressed that tough times do not last forever.  Claire knew that when faced with challenges, it was important to not remain captive of the obstacle.  Instead, she explained the importance of moving forward knowing that the rough time will pass and light will shine again.  Claire battled and eventually passed away from breast cancer.   


I know in my heart that rough times will certainly pass by me, but that does not diminish how hard it is to live through what the circumstances may be.  For example, right now I am fighting chronic migraines.  I also battle Long COVID chronic fatigue, brain fog and anxiety.  The Long COVID brain fog can be embarrassing when I repeat myself multiple times, each time saying the same thing I stated just minutes before.  And I still have days of depression as I sort through living with bipolar disorder.  

I was recently with a woman who said, "Everything happens in my life for a reason".  At face value, she was just promoted at her job, her finances were flourishing, she was dating an incredible person and her kids were doing amazing at school.  Yet the rest of her truth is that she lost her job a year ago and re-built her career.  She got a divorce 6 months ago from a person who was abusive and she is now finding romantic love again.  And her son has a debilitating illness yet he is currently in remission.  

As I struggle with finances, manage my health and make sure I am present for my family, I know that tough times will pass me by.  Sometimes my best day is one where I take my daughter to school and then take a long nap.  Other times my best day is sitting at my desk in my small yellow-painted office writing to all of you.  And yet other times, I know that I try my hardest to just get out of bed.  But above all, I know that while my best may look different every day, I will always feel good knowing that I am enough.  


As I fill this post with wise words, I will leave you with one more saying:  "Don't ask why its happening to you. Ask what it's teaching you".  Right now, I do not know why life is taking me down this particular path.  But I do know that I try to remember the wise words of my mother-in-law and not get stuck mentally in the current moment.  Maybe some things in life unfold for a reason beyond my understanding.  And just maybe, I have no clue why life events are happening to me, but I can look around me and find a lesson to be learned during one of life's teaching moments.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Listen To The Small Stuff

If there is one thing I am learning as a parent, it is that I need to listen to my daughter.  Not just hear the words coming out of her mouth, but rather, listen to everything she tells me.  I do my best to always listen to her whether she is telling me a big idea or a small story.  


Someone once said, “sports don’t build character, they reveal character”.  And my daughter plays many sports.  And some of the practices are a 30 minute drive from our house.  I try to make it a point to take the long winding back roads home so that she has time to chat with me about how practice went.  


When we take this long way home, we pass by fields of corn, horse farms and growing produce.  We can watch the sun set and talk about all the colors painted in the sky.  This time together is a safe space for her to talk to me as I drive home, and she can confide in me about the positive and negative details of practice.  I love having this opportunity to listen to her stories.  

One of my biggest parental concerns is that I do not want her to shut me out as she gets older.  I want her to know that Mommy will listen to her concerns, take care of her, and always protect her no matter her age.  Therefore, I will do the best I can to listen now, so that as she gets older, she knows I will always be there for her.  

Even as an adult, I am very close friends with my mom.  She offers me a safe space to confide in her through the challenges that life brings.  And I am blessed to have her as such a prominent part of my life.  

Did your parents create a safe space for you to share with them your stories?  Are you being intentional about collaborating with the young children in your life?  Whether its a friend, niece, nephew, or your own child, I hope you take a moment to reflect on how you take the time to listen to the young inquisitive minds that we have in our lives.  

I love to wear high heels and my daughter likes to wear them too.  So the next time I put them on, I will remember to also put my “listening ears on” and love into every words that she tells me.  Because she matters, and I want her to never have a doubt in her mind that I will always care about every word and every story she shares with me.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

You Are A Star

My best friend sent me an excerpt from a book that quoted the poet Rumi, "We are stars wrapped in skin. The light you are seeking has always been within."  I hope you will take a moment and let that sink into your soul.  Can you feel your inner star shining through?  I know I can see it in you.  This is because you are the most beautiful bright shining star there ever was in this world.  

In my family, we are blessed to have adopted a dog about 8 years ago.  And every evening between 6 and 8pm, I take her to the front yard for a potty break.  I put her leash on and then I snuggle my feet into my outdoor slide-on shoes.  We walk out to the front yard and, while she paces around to find her spot, I take this opportunity to look up into the night sky.  And where my house sits, I can see a whole universe of stars.  

The beauty of these stars reminds me of the beauty that lies within each and every one of us.  As I walk through life, I can easily see the light inside of others.  It shines so brightly.  I can see it in a simple smile or when someone waves to me.  I see the light through conversations with friends or a hug from a family member.  

Yet this quote reminds me that while I see the light in others, I must also honor the light inside of me.  Sometimes I look elsewhere to find joy, happiness and grace.  Yet when I look in the mirror, I shine back at myself so brightly because there is a star within me, too.  

So today, when you slip on your outdoor shoes to walk your dog, put on your high heels to go to work, or wear your sneakers to the gym, I hope you will pause.  And for a brief moment, I hope you will honor the star that you are in this world.  I hope you will see the light glowing through your skin, knowing full well that there is so much light shining within you and through you for all the world to see.  

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Be Bold. Be Brave. Be You. Written By My Husband

This week my husband is our guest blogger.  The conversation unfolded first with a question by me and his response was something that I simply could not keep to myself.  Thank you, my darling, for your beautiful words. 


My question to my husband was this: Is it ok to be a stay-at-home mom?  Can I use that language when I talk to people?  Because I am tired of telling people, "I am sick.  I am on disability.  I am not working right now."


His response was written as follows:

Yes you can say you're a full time stay-at-home mom... However you feel is best to put a label on your current role in today’s society.

In my opinion, every person adds value to this world whether they believe they do or not.  It’s in each one of us to find that value and purpose in each day. The way we phrase value or purpose gives meaning to each day or each moment. No one moment needs to be perfect or absolute, it just needs to be yours. You own the moment you own the value and purpose and you celebrate you.


Each day, a new value, a new purpose, a new version of self will evolve and no two days are the same. So just know it’s ok if today’s purpose is self care or rest because each day your needs, your feelings, and your outlook is your own.  And this is unique to you. Live your life for you and not for others because at the end of the day, the person in the mirror is the one you're living with.


The one role, the one person, the one hat you will always have no matter what is a "Mom". You are a mom and that forever is part of your person. So go ahead and shout to the world if you like, "I am the best Mom my daughter can and will ever have and no one can take that from me"! So yes, you are a Mother who indeed does stay at home.  But you also do so much more than you give yourself credit for.


Be bold. Be brave. Be you. You are valued, you are loved, and you are appreciated for just being you. We all must learn to love ourselves and that is a process always under construction.


You don’t need my approval or anyone else's approval but you do need your own approval. So ask yourself, "Do you approve of living for yourself"? If you answered yes, then know you have already won the day, the week, the month and the year. 

Let your actions be your words and proof of self-confidence as who you are in this moment. Never worry about what others think or say.  Because the only person who can judge you is you. Today and everyday be the stay-at-home mom because every day, our daughter will need her mom. 

Let go of the old terms, conditions and labels. Just like bad food, they expired a long time ago. So don’t keep that old rotten piece of fruit any longer.  Toss it in some soil and water it because tomorrow it may blossom into an apple tree.

 

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

A Coffee Shop Hug

If our lives were compared to that of a book, we could easily read the previous chapters and reflect on them.  We would see that some chapters were sad, some were happy and some were very exciting!  We could also read the current chapter knowing that being a part of the book meant that we always had the ability to turn the page.  And, that turning the page, would allow us to have visibility to whatever the next chapter holds.  

I recently met a friend at a coffee shop.  We sat at one end of a long table and a woman sat alone at the other end.  While my friend and I were chatting, the woman was on the phone with someone and noticeably crying.  With the click of a button, she ended the call and the tears continued down her face.  At which point in time, my friend said, "excuse me", got up and went over to the woman.  

I watched the two of them chat for a few minutes and after the exchange of a hug and a piece of paper, my friend came back to sit with me and the woman left the coffee shop.  My friend explained that the woman was a recovering alcoholic and made the decision to come to the coffee shop instead of going the liquor store.  But every part of her felt despair while she sat there alone.  

My friend said that when she gave her a hug, she whispered these words into her ear, "I don't know you but I know I do not want to do life without you.  And for that reason alone, I want you to know that I love you, my friend".  The piece of paper had her phone number on it and she told her to call or text any time.  

I truly believe that my friend helped the woman turn the page in her book.  I do not know what is written on the next page of her story, but I do know that she was not alone while flipping to the next page.  I believe that our lives are interwoven stories and this is simply one example of the profound impact that kindness has on the lives of other people. 

We all Have a Story by Michelle Harverson

We all have a story, a tale to be told

of the joys we've experienced, and the hardships we've known. 

Sometimes we wear them, on our sleeves for all to see

but often they're hidden, as deep as they can be. 

So, let us be kind, for we never truly know

the struggles and the battles, that others undergo.

May empathy and compassion, be the guiding light we share

and may we always remember, that each story deserves care. 

For in our human journey, we all need love and grace

so, let us be kind to one another, and create a better place. 

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

What If You Fly?

I saw a picture the other day that had a mother bird and a baby bird.  The baby bird was afraid to move off the tree limb.  In the picture, the little bird looked at its mom and said, "What if I fall?" and the response of the mom was, "Oh, but my darling, what if you fly"?  

Sometimes I feel like the baby bird.  I want to sit on my little tree branch, where I am comfortable and confident, and be left alone.  I do not want to move nor change.  And I certainly do not want to leave my tree branch, let alone fly away from it.  

Fear keeps me stagnant but happiness makes me want to fly.  Uncertainty holds me back but happiness makes me want to fly.  Control makes me want to stay in the same place but happiness makes me want to fly.  And today, I wonder what keeps other people on their tree branch.  I wonder what keeps them from flying.  

When I am happy, I feel like the silly little seagull in the picture.  Happiness is my simple reason to fly off my branch, out of my comfort zone and into the world around me.  Happiness makes me vulnerable, yet confidence in who I am and where I have come from gives me strength.  

And you know what else makes me want to fly?  Having someone else believe in me, helping me find confidence in myself, guiding me to fly off the branch.  This is because I know that should my wings not be strong enough to withstand the flight, I will always have a friend or family member right beside me to catch me.  And today, my wish for you is that you have people in your world that would catch you, too.  

"This is my wish for you:

Comfort on difficult days,

smiles when sadness intrudes,

rainbows to follow the clouds,

laughter to kiss your lips,

sunsets to warm heart,

hugs when spirits sag,

beauty for your eyes to see,

friendships to brighten your being,

faith so that you can believe,

confidence for when you doubt,

courage to know yourself,

patience to accept the truth,

Love to complete your life".

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Depression Support List, Part 2

In last weeks blog post, I wrote about the importance of mental health.  I emphasized the ways in which I can personally support myself through challenging mentally dark days.  In this weeks post, I have included a list for others who can also add support to these times of despair. 

When my mental health is struggling and I reach out to someone close to me, I may not need advice.  I may not need someone to discuss my mental status with me.  And I may not need a collaborative conversation regarding how I am doing.  While sometimes this is very helpful, other times I feel it is important to have a friend or family member who will just simply be present with you. 

For example, I may need you to listen with nonjudgemental unconditional love.  I may need a shoulder to cry on and someone to hold and comfort me.  And maybe I just need someone who will listen to me during my darkest tears and believe in me even when I do not believe in myself.  

As we embark upon this journey of a new year, my hope is that you will remember the importance of taking care of your mental health.  Maybe you can use last week's list to create your own checklist of items that you can do to support yourself through tough times.  And I also hope you can use this weeks list (below) to help support others who need you the most during their darkest hours.  

And finally, please remember to wear your special shoes, even when maybe you feel alone.  Because I hope that high heels will remind you of your inner most power, grace and healing.  I have bipolar disorder and I wear my high heels.  I hope you will also wear them.  Not only for yourself but for those who struggle with mental health, too.  

Depression Support List, Collaborating With Others

Communication

· Before leaving the house, check in on me and make sure I’m safe to be left alone
· Listen without giving suggestions on how to make it better
· Give me positive validation for completed tasks, big and small
· Ask “Do you want me to help you find a solution or would you like me to just listen.”

Comfort

· Hold me while I cry
· Scratch my head or play with my hair
· Make me a cup of tea or coffee
· Bring me my favorite fountain drink
· Offer to rub my back 

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Depression Support List, Part 1

A week ago, I read an article about various ways to celebrate your mental health in the new year.  The author explained the immense importance of surrounding our brains with wellness throughout the year.  He leaned into the importance of finding psychological balance.  

Since this has been heavy on my heart, I wanted to share an important list with you.  It was sent to me by one of my very best friends and is called a "Depression Support List For Me".  The first part of the list, as explained in this blog post, refers to how I can support myself through dark mental health moments.  And the second half of the list will be posted next week and is regarding how others can support me as I navigate these hard times.  

The importance of this list goes beyond words.  Its meaning includes every action that I take when I am not okay.  I know that when I am not mentally stable, I struggle to do the simple tasks in life.  And a list to remind me of what to do is a helpful tool.  
 

I believe that this serves as a guide to help both myself and others during times when we struggle the most with our mental health.  It is simple yet important to remember every small task during these troublesome times.  And to remember that we need to support our brains when they struggle to support themselves.  

I know when this was sent to me it was extremely informative and a good reminder to take one moment at a time when I am not well.  And I hope it is helpful for my readers, too.  May you breathe through each moment knowing that this is simply a chapter in your life, not your whole story. 


Depression Support List For Me

Hygiene
· Wash and brush my hair
· Put toothpaste on my toothbrush and brush my teeth
· Draw a bath or get a shower
· Wash and change sheets and bedding

Home Tasks
· Water the plants
· Make a list of home projects that need attention and ask for help to complete them
· Take a short walk outside or go to a park to breathe fresh air

Physical Health
· Go to bed at a decent hour
· Eat multiple small meals throughout the day for nutrition
· Take my medications and/or vitamins

Care Tasks
· Text or call a friend or family member just to say “hi”
· Have a cup of coffee or tea in the morning to start the day
· Plan something to do outside of the house
· Watch a silly television show or funny movie for light humor
· Learn breathing and relaxation techniques
· Know that it is okay to rest

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Seeds of Growth Through Change

 

In 2023, I cried because illness flipped my reality upside down.  The tears watered all the seeds that were planted in the ground in front of me.  In 2024, I wrapped my arms around my health and continued to heal from mental and physical struggles.  I sat quietly while I watched my little seeds start to grow.  And as I look forward to 2025, I have unending hope for the new year ahead.  I will take one day at a time knowing that my little seeds from the past 2 years have the possibility to grow into a beautiful plant.


As I look at the image at the top of this post, I am reminded that every tear I cried has watered a seed that will grow into something beautiful.  Life has been a rollercoaster of emotions for myself and my family over the last 2 years.  It has brought struggles of illness and yet many glimpses of hope.  And every single moment has prepared me for the next stage in life.  

I recently read an article that explained, "maybe your path feels harder because your calling is higher than you could ever imagine".  Sometimes when I look back on the past, I feel like my path has been very challenging.  But when I look towards the future, I always remain encouraged that I have a purpose beyond what I could ever believe imaginable.  For example, I feel strongly that through written words, we can be united in the journey of life.  This is why I feel so strongly about writing my blog and sharing my story with others.  

My hope for you is that each day you are finding your own path through this world.  I know the deepest feeling of dark tears as they fall out of your eyes and roll onto your face.  And I also feel strongly that each tear can water a seed to one day grow a meadow of flowers more beautiful than any of us could ever imagine.  I remain encouraged through tough times knowing that light is on the other side.  And my hope is that you will know peace within the confines of the present moment looking forward to a brilliantly bright future.  

 Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.

Manifesting Greatness In the New Year

"Mommy, my friend told me I need a New Years resolution! What is yours?"


As I step away from 2024 and plant my feet into 2025, I am reminded that a new year has begun.  For many people, this means making a resolution to commit to a full year of doing one thing that is important to them. And to do that one thing all year long, 365 days of making sure their "new years resolution" is fulfilled.  At the end of the year, they can reflect on how successful they were at pursing this journey. 

When my daughter asked about my new years resolution, I told her quite frankly that I do not have one.  I used to make a resolution every year, but then when the year was over, I would be gravely disappointed if I did not hold myself fully accountable for successfully completing my resolution.  Instead of pride, I would always have feelings of regret, remorse and disappointment.  

"Mommy, I don't want to have a resolution.  But I do want to try and make a change this year.  I want to not be so quick to speak and listen more to other people."  My nine-year-old is well beyond her years in maturity.  I told her this was a beautiful commitment to being mindful of her interactions with others.  And it is a tribute to who she is and the young lady she wants to become.  

Instead of making a resolution, I choose to lean into gratefulness in the new year.  My desire to grow as an individual one moment at a time is important to me.  Resolutions overwhelm me but processing a new vision, makes my heart happy and my mind calm.  I create a safe space to let go of 2024 negativity and put gratitude and a renewed excitement for all that life has to offer out into the Universe for 2025.  

Whether you choose to make a resolution or look forward to a new version of your current reality, I hope you will walk with me in greatness.  Let us take one day at a time knowing that we are in this world together to create a space of love, joy and hope.  And as always, wear your high heels knowing full well that this year starts with you confidently ready to conquer all that life has to offer no matter the circumstances that present themselves.  

 Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.